I've been reflecting on how confusing my teen years were and even my early twenties when figuring out my sexuality. Its embarassing. I feel like I was so disconnected from knowing what I like, boundaries, communication, understanding how sex worked, how sexual and romantic attraction worked... Sosososo confusing. Especially as a teen with a high sex drive. I would find certain things about women arousing and not even question why and still try to force myself to like boys and to try and hook up with them because I wanted validation, I wanted to like it, I wanted to "fit in". I never thought to stop and wonder why I found certain things about women arousing and still thought "i'm mostly straight" because I craved male validation so badly. I didn't even think about exploring my actual desires and attractions and expressing them because I thought they were gross, or didn't make sense, so I just didn't think about it or try to rationalize it. I never took my attractions to women seriously enough. Never thought I had a crushes on them, that I was "heteroromantic with a "fetish for boobs and hips"" I just really wish I could go back and guide myself in the right direction to avoid all the shame, guilt, and unhealthy relationship I had to my sexuality for so many years. I still feel so full of shame over my sexuality journey, though I'm happy with where I am right now, I just cringe so hard when looking back in hindsight. I find it so hard to accept. It fills me with so much regret and shame.