I’ve come out as gay. I might be bi but after this date, im questioning myself again. As the title says, I went on a date with a man. He’s attractive. Realized near the beginning of the date, I wasn’t romantically interested in him. I’ve never wanted to be out of that situation more in my life. I’ve gone on a few dates with women, and I’ve never felt this. I honestly couldn’t even look at him in a romantic light or his body. It was just there, no sexually charged feelings about his body. I thought I would as I have sexual fantasies about lean muscular men. This might be tmi but sexually fulfilling fantasies include being with men who look like this. I do fantasize about women, but it doesn’t get me off as much as when I do with men. I drove home and kinda had the realization that I may be wanting to look like a man. I’m not sure yet. I’ve never had sexual experiences with either sex so this just makes it even more difficult to draw a line on what I prefer. I’m scared of what this all means. Before coming out, I swore on my life that I would take this secret (that I might be lesbian) to the grave. And honestly, this is the one I might take with me to the grave. Deep inside me somewhere I’d like to live as a man, be with a woman. I do daydream about that. Maybe in another life.

I guess maybe I just enjoy the more masculine aspect of myself. I don’t see anything wrong with feeling like a woman. I like my parts. I mean, I’m not sure if these feelings even mean anything. Maybe I’m overthinking it. What do you guys think?