I'm in my 30s and for the last few years I've been fantasizing about s3xual encounters with men, particularly older men. I remember having a wet dream when I was a teenager after dreaming about hooking up with one of my teachers (50 m), woke up covered in it and my heart was pounding. I didn't think too much of it though.

Last year I started talking to men online and exchanging pics/videos. I then stumbled across a website for old/young dating and I've been stuck in a loop of creating an account, talking to men on there then deleting it when they agree to meet me. I keep thinking it's wrong or that I'm just horny but I can't get it out of my mind. I didn't sleep much last night after waking up around 2am stiff as a board and thinking about s3x with men again, this has happened several times recently.

I 100% want to do it but keep feeling like I'm going to regret it or that I'm just not thinking clearly. I ghosted a really nice man a few weeks ago and I feel terrible, I want to talk to him again but he probably won't respond.