I’m curious to hear from people who came out later in life (i.e. 40 ). How has it been? What changed and what didn’t? What were the consequences, good and bad? Are you glad you did it? Do you have any regrets?

My situation: I’m a 49yo cis man who is bi and deep in the closet. I’m married to a woman, but our relationship has little sex or affection. It feels more like two friends raising a kid together. No doubt largely due to my evolving sexuality, but also because after having a child, she put the role of “mom” well above that of “spouse”. She’s told me in as many words that she doesn’t come to me for closeness or affection because she gets her emotional needs met by our daughter.

I’ve always been attracted to other men, and had a number of gay hookups in my 20s. At that time, I’d say I was sexually attracted to both genders, but only pursued relationships with women. But as I’ve gotten older, my attraction to men has increased while interest in women and straight sex has dwindled. Recently, I’ve found myself desiring not just sex, but a real relationship with another man. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even sure I am (or ever was) bi and not gay.

So I am trying to decide on whether or not to come out and admit all this to my wife. She’s very conservative about sex, so I’d guess there’s a 90% chance that coming out equals separating. On the one hand, it would allow me to be more true to myself and seek the life I’ve never allowed myself to consider. On the other, it would mean losing my home, seeing my daughter less, and likely losing my closest friend for the last 20 years. And worst case scenario, we split up, I don’t find a boyfriend, and end up totally alone. Whatever, I choose to do, it’s a bell that can’t be un-rung, so of course I’m over-analyzing and agonizing over the decision.

Sorry for the wall of text, but I know I’m not the first person to walk this road. I’d love to hear your stories and advice.