I met a wonderfully submissive married woman this past weekend whose husband didn’t even understand the gift he was given.

On Saturday one of my good friends threw a party. He is married, and many of our friends are married as well. It was a big party with many of his and her friends that I know and some of her friends that I met that night. One of her friends was especially memorable. Let’s call her Liz.

Liz was there with her husband. He was a nice guy and fun to be around, and I wasn’t trying to mess with anything. However, I couldn’t help but recognize her. She was extroverted, a great conversationalist. She had a gravity about her and commanded the attention of those she spoke with. She was charming, funny, some may even say goofy, but she could turn on the serious voice and have a critical or intellectual discussion in a heartbeat.

The party was throughout the house. People were in the backyard, kitchen, living room, and even the garage. At one point several of the boys and I (including Liz’s husband) were in the garage taking shots and smoking, and he was talking about how Liz can be so much different with everyone else than with him. He compared how independent and directive she is at work and with friends to how “needy” for attention she as home, citing an instance earlier that night when he had to stop what he was doing to “help” her pick out an outfit for the party. He went on to talk about how after choosing the outfit she wanted more attention and even seemed horny just before leaving the house. It occurred to me her behavior wasn’t actually needy, but I was with the boys. So I did my best to empathize with him, even if I thought he was foolish.

We went back inside, and there she was, in the middle of all the girls, leading the pack in an effort to mix shots and talk Taylor Swift. Yet, the moment she laid eyes on him it was like the girls weren’t there anymore. “Hey baby. Do you want a shot? Want me to mix you another drink?” Instead of having her make him another drink he made one for himself. I could almost see her disappointment on her face. Then it occurred to me; she wanted to serve him, there, in front of everyone. I imagined being in his position, letting her make my drink, her bringing it over to me, and telling her in front of everyone, “The girls have had your attention all night, but now it’s my turn.” I imagined her response. Would she blush and cuddle up beside me? Maybe she would sit on my knee and put her arm over my shoulder. Maybe she would take me by the hand and guide me to another room for privacy.

How would she respond? I struggle to imagine a response that isn’t positive. After all, deep down I recognize her better than her own husband. I imagine if he had made the same move her response would be different: maybe a sense of relief or joy that her man isn’t entirely dead inside. But the right man could make her tingle with excitement, giving her the attention she needs, trusting her with the freedom she wants, yet knowing her value well enough to always be aware of her needs and how lucky I am to have such a strong, independent woman give me the opportunity protect her dependent, more “needy” side.

It occurred to me that Liz has not verbally told her husband what she needs because deep down she wants to be recognized without giving it away. She wants her man to be strong enough to see her value on his own without guidance, and she deserves a man who can. She deserves a man to give her as much attention as she gives him, if not more.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. The most valuable submission is the submission reserved for only one person. The most valuable submissive is one who never submits to anyone but her man. Liz is in that special category, and her man doesn’t deserve her.

Maybe one day I’ll find my Liz.