I don’t know if anyone can help me or give me some advice but these past two years have debatabley been the worst of my life. Let me give you a little backstory. I am a 4th year college student but due to my major I am considered a sophomore. Since the beginning of high school I have worked tirelessly to get into the best college possible. My older siblings graduated from an Ivy League school and I spent every waking moment studying/doing homework in order to get into the best school that I could.

Unfortunately that didn't happen and I ended up at a local college (two hours away from home). It was fine and for the most part a decent experience. I met an amazing group of friends that I consider family and I developed into my own person. However after being at that school for two years and finally figuring out my major, nursing, my school ended up not having it and I had to transfer to my local community college.

I have always been a diligent and hard working student. After getting into my nursing program at my community college on the basis that I pass Anatomy & Chemistry, I decided to take these two classes together and ended up failing the semester (a combination of loneliness, moving back home, sickness and no insurance at the time so I could not go to the doctor). I ended up being kicked out of my nursing program but I retook all my classes over the summer and the following semester and ended up passing both the classes (I just re-applied to the nursing program and I am hoping they will accept me).

I graduated h.s. in 2016 and am supposed to be graduating from college in June 2020, but I’m not. I feel like such a failure because even though I am doing the right things, I won't graduate until approximately 2024. Currently I am going to classes. I feel lonely all the time and have no friends to talk to. It’s super depressing. I just look back at all the times I was studying in my dorm so that I would not fail a class and would graduate in 2020. However, all my studying, not going to parties, and just being a disciplined student feels useless. I did everything right and yet I feel as if I’m the one who has to suffer. I studied every day, and I have been to only 1 college party. I felt like I was doing everything right to get ahead academically so why is it me who has to graduate late? All the time I spent at my old school trying to be an adult when I should have been out partying, like every other college student feels like time wasted. Now I’m 21 applying to an associates degree nursing program just so I can graduate at 23 with an associates and get my bachelors by 24. 

I go to class but feel as if I’m the oldest one in the room and can’t relate to the “younger kids”. Maybe I feel like I have more to prove/loose because I feel like I wasted my parents money? I tried to be social by switching my online class to an in person class but I feel as if people look at me all the time because I am older. I feel like I’m scared to talk in class and I have never had that problem until this semester. I’m scared to even open my mouth yet I have such nice professors. I don't want to study sometimes and I feel there’s no point in trying ( I force myself to though). It just feels like my passion is gone and my spirit has been crushed. I started going to therapy/gym to help with my isolation like behavior and to get help with my anxiety and depression. I also volunteer for my church and was recently accepted into a volunteer position at a local hospital. I’m trying to put myself out there more but sometimes I look at my life and I ask “where did I go wrong”. I don’t want to be a woman who perpetually looks back to what she has lost. I want to look forward to what I might become. However, I have been having these thoughts for 2 years and when I look in the mirror I can’t even recognize who I used to be. If anyone could give some advice I would appreciate it.