Basically, I worked 12 hours yesterday. Couldn’t really go to sleep last night so I stayed up. I’ve had a lot of important academic assignments due this week.

I had a really important Discrete Exam that I was still struggling/stressing about. I had my C class write before the discrete exam.

We started talking about matrices operations and the eigen library. How to download it etc. so I download it and start writing a function. This is the first time I’ve ever seen this syntax and also I’m not really focusing because I’m worried about my exam. There are coordinates m in the function and I’m thinking maybe it’s an already defined thing but the TA come over and tells me I need to define it.

He talks about something and I get a little mixed up with the return type. He says kind of loudly “My brother in Christ we’re half way through the semester how do you not know what a return type is?” Loudly enough for most people to hear. I instantly felt embarrassment. I obviously know what a return type is. He’s been coding in C for years and me only 2 months.

I try not to let the comment get to me. But I can feel my face heat and the sting of tears coming. I walk to the restroom. Cry a little and then decide that I’m not sitting through the rest of that class and leave without saying anything. Which it was noticeable because it’s a relatively small class.

In my mind I wanted to say back “You can say that in a more polite way” or something but I didn’t. He was struggling with how the matrices indexes use x y coordinates for traversal whilst I was attempting to confirm. But I didn’t call him stupid.

Almost thought of sending him an email. But nah.

I couldn’t stop hyperventilating and shaking until I bought and ate a chocolate bar.

And I don’t think I did well on the discrete test lol. Maybe a C