I’m a college student in Louisiana. I do not think that I’m going to make it. My grades are fine, I’m in good standing with my teachers and with the school, and I enjoy my degree path. The problem is my peers.

My closest friends from high school are becoming more distant, and the more time goes by I can see glaring differences between us. I find myself wondering how I was friends with them in the first place.

Making new friends has been one thing, but trying to find a partner has been the worst.

I’d venture to say that I’m a pretty funny guy. I present with confidence and cheerful behavior. I put effort into my hygiene (mostly haha) and to what I wear. I like to look good and feel good.

I’m a privileged man. My parents help me with rent and are putting me through school. They are caring and supportive, and I have lovely siblings.

All the while, I am more isolated and alone than I have ever felt in my life. I’ve always been an isolated man, and as a kid, I loved it. I lived in and created imaginary worlds that could completely snuff out my surroundings. It’s not wrong to say my primary school teachers had a love-hate relationship with me.

Simply put, I get rejected a-lot. Actually, I get rejected the vast majority of the time.

I’m not some addict who follows ladies around and constantly asks people out. I feel as though it’s a fair amount, but these last few over the last couple weeks have been such huge blows to morale that I don’t think I can take another.

For a while there, I had begun to speculate that women are awful attention seekers. A culture built upon this “push-pull” method. Through failed relationships and constant rejection I feel like it’s only human to think the world is against you.

Until I realized a truth. It is difficult to accept, but is a nonetheless simple explanation:

I am incompatible.

Over the past few months, I have upgraded from: the world is against me, to, it’s obvious why I think that. The problem is me. And I am broken.

I am utilitarian in nature, and it is such a paradox that my morals contradict my own living being.

I am not useful. I am not likable. I am incompatible.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this. As I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as salvation for the incompatible.

Maybe this is a call for help, I’m really not sure. I’ve already put into writing that if I don’t improve mentally over the next 2 months, then I will be taking matters into my own hands.

I don’t want to go because of revenge, spite, or hate.

I want to go because I do not like it here.

TLDR: I’ve been rejected so many times that I will be taking care of myself in December of this year.