Hey everyone!

My name is Josh, or RxFaction here on Reddit. It's nice to meet you.

I have been a regular cocaine user for roughly 6 years now, I currently am 24 years old, and am 6'6" 220lb.

From 18-20 years old, I sold it, all day, everyday. During this time, I did roughly a half gram-gram almost every day for 2 years. I got into the game deep, and I lost some people very close and dear to me, and most importantly, I woke up one day and decided to believe in myself and my potential. I didn't want to die alone in the streets or in prison. I decided to change my life and never looked back.

Despite that change, my cocaine habit remained, as I enjoy it, it's peaceful to me, and I am able to handle it responsibly. For a couple years after this, I would do it once a week or so, usually a G. In the last 2 years, it's been 1-1.5g a week consistently.

When I do cocaine, it's always mixed. I love smoking weed with it. I ALWAYS drink when I'm on it. And I smoke nicotine (Vapes) while on it and have done that for 8 years now. I mix all 4 and achieve my perfect spot.

Unfortunately, as of today, I've had to make the decision to permanently quit. It's been a scary experience recently, let me elaborate.

Starting 6 months ago, I had my first episode. (And it's not the product, I've gotten it from multiple different sources over months and all of it will make me feel this way).

I had stayed up for 2 days (not uncommon for me, I do it all the time given my work profession requiring really long shifts. Towards the end of the second day, I hit a line, and it sent me into an episode.

The episode goes as follows: I hit a line, and instantly feel a very bad switch turn on in my body.

-I get vertigo, the whole room spins -I cannot see straight or clearly -I show stroke symptoms, I can't talk legibly or speak normally without slurring -My arm will go numb and tingle -My heart shoots to 200BPM , I feel like I'm having a heart attack and can see my heart beating out of my chest -It becomes very hard to breathe -My chest tightens dramatically -My heart hurts aggressively during the episode, and will continue to hurt for a few days after -I fall to the ground -If I stand up the episode gets 10x worse

These episodes are so scary, that I'm convinced I'm on the brink of a heart attack and death. To get through them, I have 911 predialed on my phone, I curl up into the fetal position, and I pray with every bone in my body that I'll survive and it will pass. It's the SCARIEST feeling I've ever experienced. I cannot stress that enough. It's terrifying.

The first time it happened, I thought to myself I pushed it too hard staying up. Lesson learned, won't happen again. Then it happened again a month later, even when I was well rested, well fed, and well hydrated. Now I got a tad concerned. Not enough to stop yet unfortunately.

Fast forward to today, I've had these episodes now every single time I've done yay the last 2 weeks, even when it's less than a quarter gram. 6 episodes total in 2 weeks, up from 2 in 6 months.

These episodes now happen whether I mix the yay with anything else or not.

Last night, it happened again, and bad this time. I promised myself if I survived, I would never do it again.

3 months ago I went to the ER complaining of this issue. I told them about my usage of course. They did a litany of tests and determined I was healthy, my heart was OK, and I haven't had any heart attacks. This justified my usage though unfortunately, as I told myself "it's just a mental thing, the doc said you're fine, don't trip".

It's only gotten worse and worse. For whatever reason my Cardiovascular system cannot even handle 1 line without issue now.

I'm convinced it's killing me, and very quickly. The signs didn't show up until recently. I've never had a problem once with it before. I worry I've done permanent damage to my system. I might have gotten the shit end of the stick for genetics on tolerating this stuff over time, or maybe my height has played a factor against me.

Either way, I've fucked up you guys. Over time, I began to look at Yay as harmless as weed. It was just so normal for me. I'm so disappointed in myself for that. I wish I could go back and stop years ago, but I can't.

I accept full responsibility for my actions, it's my doing, no one elses, and I'm not looking for any sympathy whatsoever from this post.

My goal of this post is to 1st: Raise awareness that you're not invincible, even if you think you are. Whether you're young or not. Your habits WILL catch up to you, only a matter of time. 2nd: See if anyone else has EVER experienced something similar. It would help me to know I'm not alone in this.

Sorry for the long read, and thank you so much for allowing me to share my story. It means the world to me. If it can help even 1 person, that makes me happy and my poor decisions worth it.

Luckily, I won't have a hard time stopping, it's very mental for me, and now I'm so scared to do it I have no desire to touch it again.

Maybe one day, after I take an extended 6 month-1 year break, I can enjoy it again on the extremely rare occasion. But I still think I'll be playing with fire, and I should quit permanently.

This shit isn't worth dying over. I love all of you ❤️