I am 'High King Xphomegra the First, Protector of Known and Respected Lands, Sovereign of Hyrule, Benevolent Dictator, Godlike Near Deity Status, Possesser Generosity of boundless ends, Savior of souls, Unbridled cautionary of warning, the most respected above all, representative of the great light from above, the crystalline mind, high opposer of fast travel, Representative of the realism that could be true, Ego-maniacal post-human might, the arm of ascending power, left bearing wisdom, and right-stretched courage, shearer of sheep, the one who throws people into the spider pit, judge, jury and executioner, common user of common commas, English speaker, desolate of corrupt lands, tower guardian, final bastion of hope in civcraft, servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of arnor, unavailing of dark fire to flames of udun, hjyjyer of the Celest, frequent shopper at tesco, anti-HCF warlord, malevolent towards those who cause strife, benevolent and beneficial to those who help fight darkness, light of the tower, wielder of moontide, which is this forst and mightiest Hylian blade, unwelcoming to those whom have been smote down legitimately from other cities, welcoming to the smiters. Decider of the current moment in celestial time. Ally of all whom are good, enemy of Hamsters.