Finally got in to see my doc, told her how bad the last month or so had been, and she doubled my dosage to 40mg. For the first few days it was quite the numbing agent on my emotions, but now? The pull to please is gone. I've never existed without it. It's so freeing! And while I know I am still adjusting, I can feel myself better able to think before reacting. And there's no guilt in saying no! It's like that part in a book where the character weighs the pros and cons of a decision before acting and you get to read in agonizing detail exactly how he's thinking and what information he's basing his choices on? I CAN DO THAT! And while it seems a little slow without all the intrusive thoughts bombarding me, I finally feel in control. Acting instead of reacting.

I wish I could have held my mother's hand when she first began taking antidepressants and told her to hold on, that it gets so much better. Instead, I'll tell you.

Hold on. It gets so much better.