I'm in my 30s, married and we have kids together.

I came out as trans ftm to my mom a month ago (I was 9 weeks on testosterone). I never did tell her i had started hormones. At first she cried but said she'd love me regardless, a week later she totally shut down and didn't talk to me. Then a week after that we had a very long talk and she just kept saying she was scared for me and my kids and that I wasn't being fair to my husband because he'd married a woman. She also said I would likely break up a great relationship with my husband and his family. She went on about how this would affect my kids and grandkids. She didn't say it outright but hinted as to what an embarrassment id be in the family and with her friends. It was all the same fears I'd had for years. Then, my sister came to me and told me that she didn't believe I was trans and that I was just missing something in my life.

These are all concerns I've had since I've realized I was trans 10 years ago but I have also openly discussed with my husband.

I decided I couldn't hurt my mom and to stop taking testosterone and she never needed to know.....but I'm struggling now. I've enjoyed the physical changes but more so the mental changes I had while on testosterone. My depression and anxiety were gone....I was truly happy and calmer. I just felt mentally more stable than I ever had. When I stopped, I realized just how bad I felt without it. I was on edge, my emotions were everywhere, my anxiety and depression are back.

I want to start taking testosterone again but I'm so afraid my mom won't come around. I'm so worried I'll be an embarrassment for her or I'll always be this huge source of pain for her and I can't do.that to her.

As a parent, did you feel this way??? Does it get better??? I want to explain tp.het hoe happy the testing truly makes me but I never told her I'd already started....I just don't know if it will get better, worse or what. I guess I just need some help.

Thanks.