Namaste, Cunts. Thanks in advance for your advice. First I’d like to acknowledge the real estate developers that constructed the very land I stand on right now with unobstructed (cheers tree poison) Sydney Opera House views.

With the news of late, I’ve been a bit of a recluse, and I haven’t left Point Piper until today. Let me tell you – even Rose Bay and Double Bay are getting feral and dangerous. I fucking swear I nearly bleached my eyes when I saw a pre-2015 BMW, but instead I called my REA for a “For Sale” sign so I can potentially get the fuck out of this part of the country.

However. I need to go to Mitre 10 Paddington in the near future. If Mitre 10 doesn’t have the bullet proof windows I seek for my Aston Martin and prepper gear for my underground bunker, I might even need to go some some terrorist / grubby area that houses a Bunnings. I detest that day. I’m having flashbacks to when my high school daughter dated a guy WFB (West of Fucking Balmain) – the Mrs and I had an exorcism for her at Kambala (it worked, kinda – the second abortion did not, and it’s hard being a grandfather at 42yrs old).

And worse if you can believe it, some friends invited me to a BBQ in rapey and hooker-infested Mosman, Bruce Lehrmann’s last place of residence that’s littered with Chardonnay infused plonked and Charlied-up Karens that at any moment could stab a puppy. Driving through the CBD (some people think it reminds them of San Diego – I reckon San Salvador) to head north could be the end of me.

So, I need some “body armour” advice. What brand do you recommend / should I go semi ”300” or full “Iron Man”?