I (26F) was talking to this guy (28M) for 2 weeks and we actually really liked each other. We met on Upward. Turns out a SDA and a Messianic Jew can agree on a lot spiritually. We’ve had 2 dates and talked almost every day. He spends each Sabbath feeding the homeless with his family and tonight he’d just gotten back from spending time with his brother and nephew.

I’m pretty sarcastic and love dark humor, and joked that his brother (who leads in a bros-only Bible study with his friends and got his then-gf-now-wife pregnant out of wedlock and married her in a rush after discovering the pregnancy) wouldn’t find me pure. My past is not pretty. Even though my family claims to be Christian, they allowed a lot of abuse in multiple forms that turned into me fornicating when I was old enough to do so. Finally took my relationship with Christ seriously in 2020 after my last serious breakup, went to therapy, and officially stopped having sex out of marriage in August 2022.

I hadn’t gotten around to telling the guy much of my past, because we were taking it slow and still getting to know each other. He hadn’t even held my hand as yet. Earlier today I even asked him if he ever asked his older brother for advice. He replied, “No.” Thought nothing of it but maybe I should have. Idk it was a long day of sabbath school, divine worship, potluck, then volunteering until 5 and then an hour drive back home.

He wanted to talk otp because he had a long drive back from his brother’s house and I had already told him that we’re not going on anymore dates until I find a job (recently discharged from the Army) because I want to spoil him as much as he wants to spoil me. When I started making the jokes about his brother not finding me pure, he got quiet and said he was worried about dealbreakers. We went back and forth on the right timing to talk about my past and dealbreakers was maybe sometime this week and definitely not when he has a long drive ahead of him. He assured me he was ok, so I asked him what one of his dealbreakers were. He said me not being a virgin. I’m used to this and respectfully let him know that I’m not, there’s no more point in getting to know each other on a romantic level, and to have a safe drive back before I hung up. I’m sad about it, but it really is a dealbreaker for him and I like respecting someone’s boundaries. I deleted all texts, his contact info, unmatched, and unfollowed him on IG.

I was laying in bed with my dog about to fall asleep, and the guy calls me. He apologizes. Says he was afraid because his mom is a prophet and both his mom and brother said there’s something about me that they don’t like and don’t see us working out. They even went on to explain the kind of woman he should or will be with, and apparently that woman is nothing like me. He claims he got freaked out by them possibly being right even though he really likes me and thinks I’m a good Christian woman. As much as I like him, I told him it’s best if we just stay friends. I don’t want to come between him and his family, and eventually I feel like my past is going to be too much for him. I don’t even feel safe meeting his family now, and that’s never happened to me in a Christian or non-Christian relationship. He says his family is apologizing to him now, but I really do think they’re doing it because they see how upset he is. I told him I’ll pray for our hearts to heal and for God to lead us to our spouses. I don’t feel like I can trust him and asked for a few weeks of separation.

AITA for not wanting to pursue anything romantic with him anymore? Should I stay friends or cut him off completely?