First off, I am a transgender woman, finally starting my transition after finally escaping and healing from a very bad relationship. Part of that is taking hormones, and one thing those hormones do is render me sterile (yay)!

Now, I have been telling my parents for years that I don’t want kids - since my mid twenties at least! They were never really supportive, but it felt like they had finally accepted it. That is, until a couple weeks ago when I came out. The very first question they asked is whether I had frozen any sperm, which I’m not sure we can even do in Canada. Now, it might just be me being hormonal and soppy (god, I love having a female emotional range btw!), but seeing my mums face fall just shattered my heart. Like, it really sank in that I’m never going to have biological children. Part of me is starting to regret not at least trying to store sperm, but logically I know that I don’t want to be a mother. Can I just get some internet hugs, and advice on how to handle these new feelings? So much about my inner landscape is changing, and that little anxious voice is telling me that maybe this means I do want to be a mother. After all, that idea would sound better than being a father, hahaha.