I've felt for a while now that I, for lack of a better word, have outgrown my long-time friends. A group of us have been close for almost 20 years but we're all in such different places in life now, have formed different beliefs that don't necessarily align, don't have much in common anymore except the past... basically, we're all women in our 30's and are different people. Of course, the love and care for them is still very much there, but they are all mothers now and things are just not the same.

Anyway, today I was inspired to share a little something on Facebook. I'm Facebook friends with a little over 1,200 people and not ever, not even once, have I seen someone post about actively choosing to be childfree. I have a few FB friends who have been open about infertility struggles and have named that as the reason they don't have children, but never anyone who has outright said, "I/we are choosing not to have kids." I found myself realizing this and wishing that there was more CF representation outside of this sub, so I wrote the following on my status:

"I don’t know who needs to hear this...but you are a completely whole and valid person EVEN IF you don’t have children.

You aren’t lacking purpose. You aren’t missing out on some version of love that is unattainable to you as a non-parent. The relationships you nurture, the lives you touch, and the things you give back to the world are meaningful. You’re allowed to exist just as you are and without explanation. You’re allowed to be entirely fulfilled- yes, even without kids."

Surprisingly, I got a bunch of "love" reacts and comments from mothers and non-mothers alike expressing their agreement and support. But within 30 minutes, I got a text from one of my best friends- who has a 4 month old- a baby she was basically pressured into having by her husband who is 21 years her senior and has two adult children already. The text said something like, "I've been noticing you've been posting a lot about not having kids. As your friend, I have to ask- are you REALLY okay with your decision? I might be way off base here, but you kind of seem like one of those people who constantly says they are fine when they aren't."

I was honestly flabbergasted. Oh and the "posting a lot" about being child free I guess was me sharing a meme 3 weeks ago that was from a Sarah Silverman stand up routine that said, "The only thing I love more than kids is doing whatever I want at any time" and then my status today. *eyeroll*