I really need to get this off my chest in an accepting atmosphere... apologies if it is long or rambling.

My friend "Kate" and I have known each other since first year of college. We have been very close friends ever since, and have been fortunate enough to live in the same city for the past five years or so, we hang out at least once a month and get dinner, drinks and the occasional night out dancing. We bonded pretty early on about how we never wanted children, and being CF has been a massive part of our relationship, especially in our 30s as other people started having children. We've taken weekend trips together and fantasized about being 45 and having kickass adventures while our friends all raised their goblins babies.

For context, last year, we had a long afternoon drinks session after she had brunch with two pregnant friends. She was furious that they had spent the whole time telling her that, "nothing will change," after they have the babies, because OF COURSE EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE.

Fast forward to last month. Now Kate is (IMO) a catch, but she's never really prioritized dating, preferring to put her career first and living in multiple countries throughout her 20s. So for the past few years she's been trying to find someone, but as an introvert she struggled with the process and found it really difficult to meet anyone she liked. I get it, we are picky and demanding ladies! She deserves someone amazing.

So she meets this guy last spring. And he's nice. Seems cool. I met him in June/July a few times. She's nervous though, doesn't know if he's CF, but she likes him, puts off the conversation... I don't push her to have it, but encourage her to raise the issue sooner rather than later. All of these conversations we have, she is in the, "I don't want kids," camp.

So we didn't see each other for a while, she was away for work for three weeks and I went on vacation... so we get together for dinner and she says they are moving in together! I say great! Good for you, I'm so happy to hear that. Then I pause and ask, "so, did you have the talk about having kids then?" And she says, "Yes, we did."

You guessed it! She solemnly tells me that, "I've decided I want one. I want to have a family. I want to have a baby with him."

LOOK. Friends. I am not here to tell a grown-ass woman what to do with her life. She's a big girl and can change her mind if she wants. But I have known her for 20 years. She has never wanted children.

I am also someone that has made some (ahem) "less than stellar" decisions because I was "in love" with people. I have done this over and over again, and I am very very aware of the very very stupid things we tell ourselves are good ideas because we "love him so much," and don't want to lose him. But I've never done anything I couldn't take back. Babies are forever. I just really hope she is right about this.

I did my best to keep a straight face when we were talking, and then tried to change the subject... unfortunately later in the evening she made a comment about how she wasn't going to be, "like those other moms," who dump their CF friends in favour of their mom friends (which she knows has been the story of my 30s)... I lost it. I reminded her about the drinks after brunch, about how angry she was at her pregnant friends saying, "nothing will change," and how she had cried to me that, "everything is going to change."

I kinda don't want to see her for a while because I am so hurt. I know this is about me, and its not about her. But I am so brokenhearted, and also low-key worried she has talked herself into this because she doesn't want to be single again.

Ugh. Fuck breeders man. Fuck them. Fuck this breeding asshole converting my CF friend.