This is a really long, random post because recently I got to thinking about an old best friend of mine and I figured I'd share some of the little gems of stuff that happened back in the day. Although I was already CF before meeting her, she was one of the top things that solidified my decision, and one of the first to treat me less than human for it.

I saved some of her old emails to me, so I'll be sprinkling a couple nuggets into this post.

For this story, we'll call her QB (Queen Bitch). We met Freshman year of High School and remained friends til some time in our early to mid 20s.

Now, QB was always sort of a self-entitled asshole, but for the majority of our friendship it really didn't affect me much. I also figured that growing up with 6 younger siblings in a pretty religious family could do that to a person.

Near the end of our friendship, things started to get hilariously ridiculous. She'd berate me for insignificant things that she blew out of proportion: she once got angry that I put a bag of cat litter "too close" to her food in the shopping cart when we went grocery shopping together. They were nowhere near each other and both were very well-sealed anyway. Like, full on blow-up, didn't speak to me for WEEKS and wrote me a super shitty email. I wish I could still find that one. It was incredible.

She couldn't take a joke: her sister and I made a joke about taking off with her car next time QB spent too much time in the hair salon. She was there for HOURS, shitting all over the stylist because QB wasn't satisfied with anything.

Further, no matter how long things take, you don't threaten to steal my car. EVERYONE knows that i'm attached, yes, to my machine. Joking or not, i take that shit seriously, you should know that.

(By the way, she had to be the first one to do everything. I mentioned to her that my neighbors at my old apartment offered to sell me their car. Literally THE NEXT DAY she went out and got a car. Also, one of our mutual friends got engaged and her immediate reaction was "YOU CAN'T GET MARRIED BEFORE I DO").

She also basically called me a slut on more than one occasion, once because I supposedly made a super inappropriate comment about sex in front of her adult, lesbian, sexually active sister. You know, because I was a young, confident woman who was dating around and didn't instantly commit to someone while still in high school. How horrible. Here's an excerpt from that email:

it was very disrespectful to say that kind of stuff in front of [sister]. She's an impressionable young woman and i don't want your talk of your chosen lifestyle to influence her any more than she has already been by other various things. if you wish to prostitute yourself for free beer and concerts, then that's fine, it's YOUR life, YOUR body and YOUR risk of getting an STI or STD, not to mention risk of pregnancy. I don't want any part in that, PERIOD.

I honestly have no idea where the prostituting myself for free beer and concerts came from. I can't think of a single situation that led her to that conclusion. Maybe all the daily drunken orgies ruined my memory. /s Also, I've been sexually active now for over 18 years and have never once had an STI/STD, and there's a cure for pregnancy. Just saying.

Her dude was 5 years older than her. So naturally one day she sent me this email with a linked article:

i'm not saying that you need to run out and get married to a 30-yr old or anything like that. i'm just saying that there seems to be a real connection to male age and not being a complete dumbass. it's just a suggestion that maybe you look into an older man than yourself. you know i care about you and want only the best for you. :)

Riiight. Okay.

Now, as I mentioned, she had 6 younger siblings. The youngest, when she was like less than 3 or something, LOVED ME. Whenever I'd visit she would literally cling to my leg and I'd walk around the house with her attached to me. She loved it. I'd play with all the kids. They all loved me, tbh.

Later on after QB got married, she had a miscarriage, and subsequently had much difficulty conceiving again. I was there to support her through all of this, despite my desire to never reproduce. I never gave her any trouble about it and I made sure to hold back any CF thoughts I may have during that time. Still, this didn't seem to mean much to her as she still repeatedly brought up how much I "hate kids" and would "hate her kids" when she had them.

I literally did everything I could to support her decisions (I was even in her wedding!) and yet she still held my CF stance against me as if I was the anti-christ.

Eventually we stopped speaking to each other. She got pregnant again. Our mutual friend would occasionally forward me a pregnancy update where the little parasite was affectionately called "sprout". Now, she has two kids.

So one day, a couple years ago, my mother and I went to the zoo for a holiday thing. Mom had to use the bathroom and I didn't, so we went downstairs and I hung out in the corner away from all the people and their spawn. About 2 minutes later, I hear this loud shrieking voice coming from the elevators toward the restroom. "COMING THROUGH. EXCUSE ME. I HAVE A 2 YEAR OLD WHO NEEDS THE BATHROOM." I immediately recognized the voice. It was QB.

She starts shoving past all the other people, while repeating the above the entire walk from the elevator, and many of these people had their own kids with them in line. And hilariously, all of them had a dumbfounded look on their face, as there were kids of all ages in line, waiting like everyone else. I'm not ashamed to say I kind of hid in the corner. I knew if we came face to face I'd have punched her with the force of all my existence.

Mom comes out of the bathroom and goes "was that QB?" and after I confirmed it, she says, "Yep, I recognized that voice. I see she's still a fucking crazy bitch."

QB was definitely an entitled mombie, as I always expected her to be.

Mom and I continued enjoying the festivities for the rest of the night, but I was on high alert the entire time, hoping I didn't run into her at any point (but also kinda hoping I did, just a little).