Ever since my mom had my first sibling when I was 8 years old, I’ve known I didn’t want to be a mom. Everyone around me chalked it up to me being spoiled or impatient but when she had my second sibling when I was 14, I knew babies and kids were not for me. I’ve always thought they ruin everything. Flights, car rides, movies, dinners. You have to exist inside your house for the first four years unless you’re just willing to pack all 80 pieces of equipment and spend the whole time making sure they don’t freak out. I’m about to be diagnosed with autism or adhd or both so that h would explain why when kids cry excessively, I feel like crying also. The screaming that some do when throwing a tantrum would be enough to put me in a tailspin. I can’t even think straight when it’s happening. All I want is that child to stfu or to be away from me. I hate going out with people with kids because they only want to talk about the kids and do things that would interest kids and 75% of our time is making sure the kids okay. I HATE THAT. My friends and family have known about how I feel for my whole life and now that I’m 30 and people want grandkids it’s “okay what about just one?” I want to tel them to literally go fuck themseves. I have no partner, I barely make enough money to support myself and I can’t stand being around kids! The worst is when some random straight man I’m talking to romantically tells me. “Well you don’t know that you wouldn’t like it or you’d be a bad mother” so I should grow a person, shoot it out of my ass and see how it goes???? I’m ND so I know I make things pretty black and white but why is everyone talking about it like it’s a free trial? If I’m saying I wouldn’t be a good mom don’t you think I would fucking know? And don’t get me started on all my friends whose lives are ruined cause they had kids but at least they “loveeee them “ ——-the qualifier they say before they list how their life is worse in about 20 different ways

Side note: I spent ten years of my childhood being narcissically abused by my stepfather so most of my adult life has been making sure I’m happy and doing the things I want to do. Just being free in general so that may have something to do with it