Hello

I’m in my late 20s and am scheduled in for a vasectomy in 2 week. I’m writing this post now because for lack of better words, I feel weird about it. So Ive came to the only place I know that has likeminded individuals for an honest discussion and hopefully some support.

I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years, when we were younger we both leaned more towards having kids then over time we mellowed and in the last 2-3 years have become more fervently behind the idea of being child free. We discussed sterilisation and after a scare a few months ago we became more serious about it and I finally managed to get a consultation where we spoke to a doctor and got booked in for the big day.

Now it’s approaching and I don’t know what to say other that that I feel weird about it? Like I said I wanted kids when I was younger, and over time my attitude mellowed and reversed. We have nieces and nephews that we both love but being around kids for too long really overwhelms us. Plus we both have environmental and financial concerns over having children as well as other issues. Not to mention the selfish stuff like giving up our free time and all that. With that being said, I’m concerned I’m going to regret my decision, but at the same time from our discussions and how I feel when I think objectively about having children I know they’re not for us. It’s like when I think about going ahead with the procedure there is a subconscious voice telling me I’m making the wrong choice. But then when I think about not having it done, there is a subconscious voice saying I don’t want kids and will regret not having the vasectomy.

It feels like I’m just fighting the monkey brain biological urge to reproduce, but I don’t know how to deal with it.

My partner and I have spoken about it since and she says she’s feeling a similar way, maybe because the appointment was booked for such a close date? We think the doctor might have done it on purpose to scare us, he agreed to do it obviously but we got a concerned look when we said we didn’t already have kids.

I don’t plan on cancelling, but i wanted to reach out to people who might be able to relate, I’ve been on this subreddit for a little while now and have really gotten some comfort over knowing how many of you seem to think the same way as us. Especially when surrounded on all sides by a majority that view having kids as something that you just do, seemingly without thinking any deeper about it. I know people who think of having kids as less of a commitment than marriage.

So basically what I’m asking is has anyone gone through a similar thing? Has anyone regretted sterilisation or even the opposite? Is what I’m feeling normal and can I better deal with the conflict that’s going on inside my subconscious?