Hello, I'm 24M and I've been grappling with the question of "do I want kids someday" for a long time now. I'm currently single and still a bit young, so even if I wanted to have kids it wouldn't be for a long time, but I've been thinking about having kids more than usual lately. I'm getting to the age where some women in my age bracket would either already have kids or be thinking about having kids sometime in the future, so I figure it's time to really think about if I am okay with having kids. I've also started a new job where some of my coworkers are new parents or already have kids, so naturally, kids are a part of our conversations.

For a long time I was really on the fence about having kids. I was raised in a somewhat conservative, Christian household, and my family set expectations as to how my life was going to go. From the time I was in elementary school the expectation was that I was to get good grades in school, then earn a scholarship to go to college, then do well in college, get a well-paying job that I loved, and finally get married and start a family, all while going to church and maintaining Christian values. Since I've started going through the path laid out before me 20 years ago, I've noticed flaws in my life, and certain things haven't gone the way I've planned. When I was 14, I stopped believing in God and going to church, and have ever since not been able to connect to religion. After getting good grades in high school I earned some scholarships for college, but I still ended up >20K in student debt (which really isn't that bad compared to others). College was rough with my courseload (I was a math major), living with two roommates who were in a relationship, and difficulty finding a job post-college. I finally got a job teaching math in 2021, but it was a terrible school district, and I ended up having my contract non-renewed (basically I was fired with 3 months notice) and had to find another job. I ended up finding my current teaching job in 2022. My current job is manageable for now, but I will say teaching is not all it's cracked up to be. I think a lot of teachers feel the same way right now lol.

I say all of this because going down the "traditional" path doesn't really feel like it's paid off so far. I've disconnected from religion, didn't enjoy college, and so far haven't enjoyed my teaching creer. The only other big thing that I haven't done yet is get married and have kids. I know that I want a life partner, and I'm willing to make sacrifices to be in a good relationship, but when it comes to kids I just can't say the same. I know that kids can provide a lot of love and companionship, but I don't think the cost of having kids is worth it. A big concern of mine is money. I make around $47K a year in the midwest. It isn't a terrible salary, but not one I'd want to raise a family on. I enjoy being financially secure and just taking care of myself. I see people around me working overtime/multiple jobs struggling to make ends meet with kids, and I just wonder why would anyone want that? Most families have both parents working full time, but then the problem of expensive childcare comes into play. One of my coworkers told me if he put his 2 kids in daycare, it would cost him $415/week for both kids (>$20K per year!). Ideally if I was to have kids, either me or my future wife would stay home with them, but that's not economically possible anymore.

The biggest reason for not wanting kids is that I am too lazy and selfish to take care of kids. I love coming home from work and cracking open a beer, playing Playstation with my friends, and just chilling/watching TV. I deal with kids all day at my job, and they're exhausting and quite frankly annoying. I couldn't imagine coming home and taking care of more kids. Perhaps this makes me a bad person, but I don't care. My hobbies and interests take up too much of my time, and I know I'd have to sacrifice them in order to take care of my kids. A coworker in my department just had her first kid, and she has told me that she doesn't have time to do what she wants anymore. She also frequently gets woken up by her baby at night. It sounds absolutely miserable. It's funny how also I've noticed that many of my students' parents don't seem to enjoy parenting their kids. They love their kids and want them to succeed, yet many don't want to do any of the actual work of parenting a child and just think of us as free childcare.

All of these things have made me not want kids. I think if either myself or my future wife made enough money to where one of us could stay home full time and raise our kids, then I'd consider it, but chances are that's not gonna happen. It feels like society expects everyone to work like they don't have kids, but then also expects everyone to have kids. This creates overwhelmed, exhausted, and drained parents who I kind of understand not wanting to parent their kids. At the same time these parents knew what they were getting themselves into, so I don't feel too bad for them. My parents have expressed interest in becoming grandparents someday, and my brother has said he wants to be an uncle, but I really just don't want kids. I just can't see myself giving up my childfree life and "settling down" to raise a family. I know that this means I'll grow old and lonely, but I think it's a trade-off that's worth it.