How do I see a relationship? So much of the time all we do is dance around what we really want. Yes, let me (and you) seem inoffensive. Let's not scare away a potential partner. So, with that being said, let me try my best to scare away a potential partner!

Let me be perfectly honest, looks matter. I wish they didn't, but they do. You don't have to be perfect (I'm certainly not), but I'm lucky that I've always been relatively thin (with sadly noodle arms) and you should be fit/average. What's next, ah yes, sex! Yes, sex! I like a lot of sex. I won't demand it from our first (or even second or third date...not going to rush someone into something), but when we get there, I will want us to be intimate quite often. Yes, quite often. At any time (when we're at home alone of course), I just want to put my hands up your shirt, down your pants or simply pull down my pants and mount you on the couch, I want you to want that. I want you at any time you feel like it to pull up your shirt and shove your breasts in my face or un-zip me and return the pleasure of mounting me on said couch.

Now that that's out of the way, how about moving to more mundane things?

Do you have kids and if so, are they out of the house (or soon will be)? That's fine. If they're young or you still want to have children of your own, sorry...not what I'm looking for (but more power to you!).

Pets? I love cats. Not so much dogs, but I could be convinced (you get to walk them in the cold/snow and I hope they're non-yappy and act like a cat).

Travel! Yes, I know "we all love to travel", but those of us who work only get a limited amount of vacation days a year. Unless you're independently wealthy and are going to be supporting both of us, we will probably be limited to a couple week-long trips somewhere each year (with other shorter ones here and there of course). I apologize up front for being a normal office working stooge that can't fulfill your desire to backpack around multiple countries for months ever year. If travel is the one thing that defines you (like I see from so many on dating apps) then what defines you the other 48-50 weeks a year?

The rest - Yes I know, I sound like any other white guy going through a mid-life crisis (don't worry I already bought a convertible when I was 30 and it's gone now - water leakage damaging the electricals that insurance wouldn't cover). I do have real interests, I swear! I love discussing politics/news, going to bar trivia, movies, watching tv series, reading, eating out, walking, bicycling, watching sporting events and video games. Also just started (I really should have stated a year ago when we began to work from home) working out again...barely.

Me: 44, white, 5'11", fit, lives on the north side, gainfully employed, and hoping to retire in ~15 years, possibly to another country with a more stable government.

You: Somewhere around my age (28 at least to around 45), fit/average, vaccinated, no kids (unless they're already out of the house) and doesn't want/is ok not having them, enjoys sarcasm

If I sound like someone you might think you'd feel even a modicum of a spark for, do reach out.

P.S. While I hope this doesn't come across as rude, if you're still getting over a recent breakup and "not ready to date" or not going to respond to chats/messages that "you" initiate, please don't bother to reach out.