TLDR - 35 year relationship, discovered 9 year affair, what steps do I take before I end it? Wait 4 years for kids to finish school? She doesn’t know I know, she suspects I know and is trying to get me back. But down deep I know I’ll never trust her and deserve better

• I’ve discovered my wife has had a 9 year f buddy affair. We’ve been together since age 17 for 35 years. We have a 12 and 14 yo. I’ve sacrificed my career and friends and everything to be devoted to her and to raise the kids, meanwhile she’d been giving her best to this guy. It’s the ultimate betrayal. Unbelievable to me she could literally lie to me at least three times a week for years. She was gone for work 40-50 hours a week but now I come to find she only needed 15-25 hours a week for her job. So she had plenty of time to F. She never dressed up for me I notice looking back at pictures but man I always wondered why she dressed so hot for work. She’s smoking hot. I have no idea if she’s always been f ing other guys in the decades prior. I never made her climax the whole 35 years, except for the last nine years she’s been climaxing by grinding on me most weekends, probably after lots of sex with this guy during the week. She scheduled me in for the weekends, probably to throw a bone to me.

I never had any idea at all. I genuinely thought she just had to work the 40-50 hours.

After I confronted her two months ago about my suspicions, of course now shes totally been devoted to me. Her libido is incredible. We’ve been doing it twice a day for weeks and now we’re settling down to once every day and or skipping a few days.

She’s been having big internal climaxes these last two months with me because I’ve bought her vibrators to satisfy her. She’s even came from me three times with help from the vibrators.

I’m actually average size 5” but she’s got large hips, I have to really work the correct angles to hit the spot after she gets excited and the vibrators drive her wild. It’s like she’s an addict when she gets hold of one, she goes kind if into dream world. Reminds me of one of these heroin addicts you drive by on the street and you can tell they are so high from their faces. It’s sad

But now she’s satisfied. She’s even making all these romantic getaways plans.

She seems genuinely happy to be off her addiction to this guy but I can ever be sure. Looking back at the text messages I’m imagining she was f ing him 3-4 times a week. Like a week was Thursday 10-1, Friday 3-4, sat 12-2, tues 3-8. The text messages go on with unexplained absences like this for years. It’s amazing I had no idea. After 34 years the last 9 I had compete trust. Never in a million years would I suspect this. She used the ‘work late’ excuse. I never thought anything of it. She always was devoted to the kids and family the other 22 hours every day. This was just her sexual addiction.

Now the guy was always available because he didn’t need to work.

I’ve had many options to meet other ladies over the years but I’ve never been interested I’ve always been so devoted to her. Yet I knew inside something wasn’t right with my relationship. Now I feel robbed

The consensus is it’s over because (1) she’ll either do it again or (2) no trust will kill the relationship.

Basically the relationship is dead because I won’t be able trust her away for more than an hour with this kind of horrific betrayal. I can’t believe a single word she says now.

So question is what steps to take before filing:

Should I resurrect my career - (I put it on hold for nine years while I raised the kids. I did develop an apartment building which we’ll split.)

I’ve asked her to move to a new city away from this guy so I can develop another building but she’s like ‘why we have the perfect life here.” (She doesn’t know I know.

So if kids are 12-14 this definitely could get me a shot at custody but she’ll for sure give custody of the 14 year old.

If I want to go to a new city I’ll need custody

I’ve always had many girls try to contact me over the years and I’ve never had any interest. But at 52, and good looking I could get on with my life.

Any thoughts on key moves to make ? How long should I wait, what should I do? Do I start talking to these girls at all? Do I tell them why I’m divorcing? Do I keep that private?

Obvious stuff I guess but this sub people have way more experience than me.

Interesting that people I know almost all seem to say to stick it out blah blah blah. But they don’t really know and the people on this sub know. I feel absolutely horrified and violated.

I think the pain most likely only goes away with a complete break.

I mean I sacrificed everything, friends career, family relationships all dependent on this girl. I put all my eggs in her basket as my soulmate and literally three times a week she was lying to me and f ing this guy. For nine years. Every chance she got ‘oh you take the boys, I’ll stay here.” I’m absolutely horrified at the scope of this betrayal. I wouldn’t believe this if it were a Hollywood film.