I want some opinions since I have literally no one who is in a similar situation. I took taking a break for preparing for a very competitive examination last year and my boyfriend cheated on me. He really liked the other girl and they went out several times, talked all the time and maybe even had sex (although he denies it). But he decided to hide it from me and refused to break up because he didn't want to ruin my prep. The other girl got frustrated and finally called me up and told me that they have pseudo dating and even had sex. I decided to not believe her and stayed with my boyfriend who literally was crying his eyes out and begging not to breakup with him. Since then things have been great but there are things that still irk me. 1. He had not deleted her msgs and photos and when confronted ( i eventually decided to take a break after this) he tried to justify it and never walked up to me and showed me that he deleted it. 2. Still acts nervous if i pick his phone for anything. 3. If he goes to their common friends place she shows up, I told him to not go there without me because that would act as an deterrent and i would feel much reassured but he refuses to do so, and still goes out to party with them. 4. He has clearly lost any sexual interest in me. We are having sex but i can tell it's all mechanical , i don't remember the last time he initiated sex. 5. He picked up a few habits , smoking ( he can't even get himself to smoke the same brand they used to) and using snapchat.

I am not even sure if he is here lying to me since the incident, because although i had my doubts i have been with him for 5 years at the time i found out about this it was a major break of trust. I come from a broken family with a similar cheating history, a drunk and abusive dad and i feel like the only reason i don't have the guts to leave him is because of trauma bonding/ i don't know any better.