So, long store short—

My husband (married 5 years, together 11 years, share 2yo son) is the biggest piece of 💩 on the planet.

He has been an alcoholic for a long time… and when he drinks he gets abusive, even while I was pregnant. He’s drank while watching our son, he drank on our anniversary, etc. I’ve stuck by him time and time again praying and putting in the effort to help him heal and fix our marriage.

Well, last week when he was drinking (again, even though he was “sober”) I decided to go through his phone. I stumble upon a dick pick from June in his phone… he’s never sent me a dick pick. Revert to original photo and bam… I find a link to a kink fetish hookup site.

My “husband” has been sleeping with, sexting and god knows what else with both MEN AND WOMEN, married couples and beyond. He has been “filling women up with cum and having their husbands lick his cum off his balls” (paraphrase- per his page). Meeting up with people while I was at work (I’m a doctor and work up to 32 hours at a time). This has been going on for over a year and I just found out. I have worked my ass off to support him, our family, and believe I was “fixing” our marriage by being his support and always in his corner.

When I found out, I confronted him. He then physically assaulted me to confiscate my phone, when I land a punch for my safety. He then calls the cops who ARREST ME for domestic violence and I spend the night in jail. After years of trying to call the cops for DV against him, but he physically restrained me (even when I was heavily pregnant) and prevented me from calling. Thank god all charges have been dropped.

Since I know I’ll never get an answer from him, my question is… how the heck can he do this to me?? Let me think he was “fixing” our marriage with AA and therapy, all the while he’s had this going on in the background and has been playing me as a fool. My heart is completely shattered as I am beyond blindsided and I know I’ll just be questioning this for the rest of my life. How do I move past this?? Thoughts??