I (37m) was a serial cheater in my last relationship for about the first 5 years of the 10 year relationship Everytime I cheated, it was a casual 1 and done thing. I never once even considered or came close to having an emotional connection with any of the girls cheated with and I think this is the main reason that I never even came close to getting caught. I loved my gf and we had a great relationship and got along like best friends. For no particular reason I eventually just stopped cheating because I didn't get the desire to anymore. We dated for 5 more years before our relationship came to an end. In a strange twist of fate, she found out about everything after we broke up. She was devastated and I of course felt as horrible about it as I always had. It was hard for me and still is hard for me to explain why I did it, why I stopped, why I didn't just leave, why I didn't come clean, why I stopped the behavior when I did. It's been a year and a half since we broke up and she found out and we still remain very close friends, although she reminds me regularly how much of a pos I was/am. I've gone to therapy and done research and spoke to a lot of people about the whole ordeal and about 6 months ago I thought maybe I might be better suited staying single or being in an open or even poly relationship. After exploring that lifestyle for awhile I I've concluded that I prefer being in a monogomous relationship. I've chatted with a few potential candidates but it seems to me that most women in their 30s have an especially particular disdain about cheating so I usually just ghost when it gets to the point where I am confident that telling them about my past will be a deal breaker anyways.

Obviously I would love to find a partner who can see that I'm not that same person anymore and wouldn't hold it against me, but it just seems incredibly unlikely.

So my question is, do I keep my cheating history to myself when I find a new partner? Do I tell them I was a cheater but just not about how bad it actually was? Do I just submit to being single and unhappy for the rest of my life because of my past?

At this point I have ghosted 2 incredible girls after just a few weeks of texting/talking on the phone because I just couldn't bare to tell them but felt too guilty about the idea of moving things further and not telling them.

Thanks in advance for you advice