I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now. He’s a very loving and caring man, with a good heart, but also with a secret life it seems. I caught him cheating the first time last year when I had a gut feeling and decided to look through his phone. Granted, he did tell me I had free reign over his phone and he had nothing to hide, so I had no reason to look, but he had been acting strange all week, and I just had to. Even though he gave me free reign, it still felt wrong. But I ended up finding intimate texts between him and his ex, and from that convo, I saw they had met up once for coffee during the relationship and he had been bugging her to hang out when we first started dating. I was devastated. We were only about 6 months into our relationship. It took me two weeks to confront him, but we ended up talking it out, he blocked her, and things were golden again.

About 11 months later, I catch him again sexting, same girl, but this time it looked like she was reaching out to let him know she wanted to stop all communications with him. The way the convo went, it was just bizarre. But anyways, I confront him straight away this time, and he says he’s trying to get rid of her and she was the one that reached out. But it looked like they were just reminiscing about their sexual experiences with each other and he was still pining for her. He assured me he had never had any feelings for her, and that it was just sex he wanted,but his actions and texts said otherwise.

So I broke-up with him. But my pathetic ass wanted him in my life still, because love and attachment. We go on limited contact for about a month, but had planned a vegas trip a month prior before break-up and just decided to go anyways.

We talked it out again,I set boundaries, and it seemed that things can work out.

Seems like I never learn my lesson. It’s been about two months since vegas and here I am, same scenario. I find him chatting with someone on Instagram and out of frustration delete and block the person, deciding to not even confront him about it. He ends up coming to me about it, beating around the bush on what I did and me playing dumb. I eventually asked where he met her and he premised with “you’ll be upset if I told you” and I told him I highly doubt you can hurt me anymore than you have

He tells me about fetlife. And I ask to see his profile and convos…..exchanges of nudes and flirting. Joined hookup forums. Also found he had multiple instagrams accounts despite telling me he wasn’t on there anymore, as well as multiple snap chat accounts. He’s been on fetlife for the whole of our relationship it seemed

I feel like an absolute dumbass. Every time I tried too break-up with him prior, it’s like he always said the right things to get me to stay. I try to block him on all platforms, yet he converses with me on venmo for Christ sakes. I’ve since blocked him on everything, but ended up communicating yesterday because he owes me money. He won’t give me the amount in full even though I know he has the money. And again, on the phone, he made me feel guilty for blocking him and talking things out.

He didn’t even apologize for what he did. At this point, the $300 is not worth my peace.

I don’t like the idea of ghosting, but is it acceptable here?

Sorry for the long post..I’m just sad and broken right now and just don’t know what to do with myself