This about reiki, even though I hate that word.

Not sure what the message is here, but join me for a story, won't you?

Its been about a year and a half since 6yr.gf breakup. Haven't hooked up with anyone since then, mostly due to lack of time/energy. Job schedule really inconvenient, and work leaves me very tired.

In this post-cancel, post-covid world, it seems no one touches eachother. Also, since most of my interaction with other people is at work, touching seems extra inappropriate.

But humans still want to human, can't stop us.

Life finds a way. We do small touches. Fist bumps. A pat on the shoulder.

I read a study once, the baby lab mice that dont get touched, die. But the babies that get mother's snuggles and nuzzles, they do great.

I think touching and being touched is part of normal health. After all, we're basically still apes designed to pick the parasites off eachothers backs.

In this environment, these tiny touches carry a lot of weight. When a coworker gives me that sad "here we go again" fist bump, in that instant of impact, I can feel all the way to their spine, in a flash, I feel the history of every aching muscle. And that shoulder pat, when i get one from someone legitimately excited to see me, that brief touch is electric. Feels so good my knees get weak.

So I figure, I'm not getting touched, depression increasing. Maybe I should get a massage. Maybe that would "heal" me. I'm not talkin about "happy endings" just a regular massage.

Now, I know, because I give some massage myself, that you can make a person feel reeeeeaaaaaaallllllyyyy good with a non-sexual massage, if you're doing it with love.

I go. I pay. I have my massage. And... it just.... WASN'T.

I'd be lying if I said it was bad. Some parts were good. But it wasn't electric. It didn't give me that energetic exchange I needed.

I will probably never pay for a massage again. I need to be touched by a person who wants to touch, not a person being paid to touch.

Because "reiki" or whatever.