People always say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, and so I thought it’s time I try my luck and reel one in. Except, there also happens to be a good number of sharks, and an unsettling amount of shrimp. Turns out, I’m really bad at fishing. Which wasn’t news to me, because one time, I went fishing and dropped my fishing rod/pole/whatchamacallit in the water and could not retrieve it. So yeah—don’t go falling in love with me or anything.

But they also say that practice makes perfect! So here I am, dear readers—there are readers out there, right? I’m not just speaking into the void?—searching the endless pools and rivers and oceans of the internet for someone I will cherish and adore pleasing. In other words, I’m looking for a Daddy, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Me:

Let me tell you a little about myself first! That’s what you came for, isn’t it? Let me start from the beginning... Once upon a time, 22 years ago, I was born at 2:37 PM on a cold, cold Sept—just kidding. Not that sort of beginning. But I am 22! My birthday wasn’t that long ago, actually, so if you’d like to wish me a belated happy birthday, go right ahead. Okay, let me really tell you a little about myself. I’m an office worker by day and an intrepid dreamer by night. I find comfort in stuffed animals and I’m a hopeless romantic, but I’ve often been described as a “worshipper of chaos.” If that doesn’t tell you I’m a masochist, I don’t know what will. I’m witty and sassy (or so I like to think) and sometimes dress like a Bond villain (but like in a cool way), but I still cry every time I watch The Lion King and I would kiss a penguin if I could. And if they consented to it. It’s 2024– consent is important, people!

I appear shy and I keep to myself a lot, but if you really get to know me, I’m the loudest, bounciest extrovert you’ll ever meet. I’m energetic and spontaneous, but I also like spending the day just lounging on the couch sometimes. Which might pose a bit of a problem, actually, because I’d like to have a successful political career someday. Would you vote for someone who just lounges on their couch all the time? Probably not, but this does give me a wonderful idea for a children’s book.

I’m outlandish and realistic. I want to both save the world and rule it one day, and if you know anything about politicians, you’d know that doing both of those things is not possible. But let’s be optimistic! I play an instrument (five brownie points if you can guess which! And yes, it’s probably exactly what you’re thinking of right now), but I don’t sing. I’m eerily good at air hockey and can score you major arcade points, but I’m pretty darn bad at actual hockey. (My hypothesis is that it has to do with the “skating on ice while holding a giant stick” part. Yeah, I’m pretty bad at that part.) Other miscellaneous hobbies include painting, crocheting, burning bread, waiting for my Amazon packages, and dancing at 3:00am in my bedroom because (hopefully) no one is watching.

By now, you must know that I’m a walking juxtaposition, and I’m sorry to say that there is one more juxtaposition that needs mentioning. I’m not a dependent person. In fact, I like to think I’m quite capable and I’m reasonably bright, and aside from my Reddit (and porn) history, I doubt most people would have even an inkling that I’m a submissive. But I am. And I’m here because there’s something missing in my life—a Daddy. I miss the rules and the spanks and the punishments and the care and the guidance and the companionship. I miss staying up late and chatting until I’m told to go to bed because it’s “too late for little girls.” I miss being called a “good girl” after I was bruised and slapped and called a pathetic little slut. I miss being asked if I want a bedtime story before I get tucked in. I miss being asked if I drank enough water. I miss being told to say please when I want something. I miss getting timeouts because I said “make me” when I was given an order. I miss feeling owned and possessed and cherished. I miss it all.

I could sit here and list my kinks and my limits and what phrases turn me on and what phrases turn me off, but if I did that, we’d be here until 2025. Instead, I will tell you this: if I feel like you’re the right person, there is very little I wouldn’t do to please you and make you happy. I will adore you, I’ll be your biggest fan, and I will support you in everything you do and want to do. I will be there when you want to laugh and when you want to cry, and all those moments in between. At the end of the day, I’m not looking for a FWB or a short-term arrangement— I’m looking for a partner, in every sense of the word. And I hope you want that, too.

Deal Breakers:

Speaking of partners, I’ve spent a gajillion paragraphs describing myself, and by now, you‘re probably bored or convinced I’m a narcissistic serial killer (I swear I’m not). So, it’s time we talk about you, dear reader. To help me accomplish that, I’ve decided to abandon the paragraph format for something a little easier to follow—bullet points. Because who doesn’t love bullet points? But first, some potential dealbreakers, because they might be important:

• I’m strictly monogamous! If you’re married or have a partner, then we’re not a good match.
• It’s crucial to me that my partner and I get to spend a lot of quality time together! While my schedule can be a little dicey, I’m generally more free during the day, and so I would consequently prefer someone who works from home or whose job offers similar flexibility. I will do my best to make time for us, because I expect the same from you! Not to excess, of course. Just expect bursts of texts of the “hey! Hey! What are you doing? Can I call you? Look at this cute penguin video I saw” persuasion.

Still here? You’re still reading? What is wrong with you? Just kidding. Okay, it’s time for what you’ve all been waiting for! She says, to the maybe two people who are reading this.

You:

• Are preferably older than me, but younger than let’s say... 35. If you’re 36 and sitting there going, “gosh darn it! This girl sounds like a nut job wonderful person, and because I’m crazy I’d love to get to know her,” don’t be discouraged! The 35 thing is a soft limit, if you will, but remember that I’m 22! We may struggle to find things we have in common if you have significantly more life experience than I do.
• Are in the US, or around similar timezones! Distance is not that big of an issue for me, but if you wake up when I’m going to bed and I wake up when you’re going to bed, there’s going to be a bit of a communication issue there. (I’m in California/PST, personally!)
• Are biologically male.
• Live an active lifestyle and take care of your physical and mental health! I do the same, and it’s important to me that my partner takes care of themselves.
• Like playful banter! My humor can be very dark or very dorky, and there isn’t an in-between. Having a partner I can laugh with is really, really important to me. If we can’t even be friends, how can I trust you to do awful things to me? ;)
• Are emotionally available and a good communicator. I am many things, but I am not a mind reader. I’d love to make you happy, but you’ll have to tell me how to do so. And I will do my best to do the same! I believe almost anything can be solved with proper communication, so long as we simply try together.
• Are not a switch. If you have submissive tendencies, I sadly won’t be able to scratch them for you.
• Are a Daddy Dom! I am not looking for a “Sir” or a “Master” at this time, and having a partner I can call “Daddy” is extremely important to me.
• Are what I guess is considered a “soft Dom.” I adore verbal degradation, but sometimes, I just want to be forced to choke on my Daddy’s cock while he hushes me and whispers how pretty I am and how I’m such a good girl for him. I still want rules and punishments, and while the (slight) brat in me will fight you on it, I don’t want you to give in and let me have whatever I want— at least, not all the time. I want you to be firm, but I don’t want you to yell at me. Instead, I want you to tell me that it’s for my own good or that you’re just looking out for me. To summarize, let’s just say that I have an intense penchant for sweet, sadistic Daddies.
  • Have some kinks that match mine! I don’t want to go too deep into the sexual side of things, because I feel like those are best discovered organically and through one-on-one conversation, but I will say that I like: impact play, bruises, (some) humiliation, verbal degradation, orgasm control and denial, breathplay/choking, praise (I definitely have a voice kink, too), and DDlg. I don’t love the deep ageplay side of things (no diapers for me), but titles such as “Daddy” and “little girl” appeal to me very much. If the concept of “you’re too little” (those words would be directed at me, of course) freaks you out, then I’m likely not the right girl for you.
• Would like to incorporate rules and punishments into our potential Daddy/LG dynamic. I just love when my Daddy gives me rules, especially ones that remind me to use his title properly, not talk back, finish my work, and to go to bed at a reasonable time. Things that make us both happy and turn us on, of course, but I have a certain sweet spot for rules that show me that he cares about me as a person and not just a sex object. And while I don’t want TPE, I want our dynamic to be part of our everyday life, so “non-sexual” rules or things that extend our dynamic past the bedroom are important to me.
• Are looking for a long-term, serious dynamic/relationship.
• Are into or could potentially be into petite, sassy submissive girls. That’s me! :)

Alas, dear readers, our time as come. We’ve reached the end of this thrilling, captivating saga. I think I’ve rambled enough, so I’m hoping that someone else will want to ramble instead!

I’d like to get to know the person behind the screen, who took time out of their day to read what is practically an academic article (minus the academic part) about a strange internet girl. Perhaps you’re a superhero by day, and an avid chocolate enthusiast by night. Maybe you like whole wheat bread, but not whole wheat pasta (yuck). Maybe you regularly go fishing and haven’t once dropped your fishing pole into the water! You magnificent creature, you.

Seriously, though. Tell me about yourself! Tell me about what you do for work, what you do for fun, what your kinks are, and/or your entire life story. Anything, really. To kickstart things, I’ve always loved the game “two truths and a lie,” so on the offchance that you actually read this entire thing (weirdo), tell me two truths and a lie about you! I’ll go first: I was on television once, I’m allergic to gold, and when I was five years old, I peed on my neighbor’s lawn because he made me cry. If you can correctly guess which is the lie, you’ll get seven brownie points. And trust me: you’ll need these brownie points.

If you want to, you can go ahead and send me a message here! I created a helpful little link for you so you don’t get lost in the throes of the Internet. Please don’t send me a chat, because I don’t usually get those! And please, please, please don’t send me a one-liner! I’d hope you put in a little bit more effort into that. :) Effort is hot! And I know I’m going to get hated on for saying this, but so is proper grammar. If you know how to use semicolons, I will swoon.

Also, as a bit of a sidenote, I think ghosting is incredibly tasteless and I refuse to ghost you. If we’re conversing and I don’t think we’re a good match, I’ll let you know! And I hope you’ll do the same, too. With that being said, in the least narcissistic way possible, women on Reddit tend to get a number of messages. I will do my best to get to you, of course, but if I miss your message, please feel free to resend it.

Okay, now I’m done rambling. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!