“Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”
― Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic

When I first started deep relationships, I thought the goal was to find someone who fit so well into my life that I felt whole with them just being there. I though as though we were both circles, with the goal to eclipse each other completely and that's when you found you happy ever after. But it never quite fit the way I hoped...and years of struggle finally got it through my head that I needed something different.

One of my friends recommended Mating in Captivity to me, and I was surprised to find the answers were more about being myself than getting lost in a relationship with someone else. I learned that what we should strive for is not to completely eclipse each other's circles...but to create a venn diagram, where the circles are continually growing, giving more space where a overlap to occur but still being our distinct selves.

This makes so much sense in a vanilla relationship, but often I feel it might be even more vital for a kink based one. I originally thought being a Daddy Dom was about being in control while wearing your heart on your sleeve...but I realize now it's about being the support structure my partner needs to grow into who they truly can be. I thought I was looking for a little to just complete my life...but I realize now I need a little who support me in being the best version of myself, and knows that while I'm not perfect, I'm the person they can believe in to build something beautiful together.

So I have tried to build something beautiful to start from. I have worked up to a job that allows me to pursue my passions while paying the bills. I have cultivated friends that seek my time as much as I wish for theirs'. I have connected with my family and truly enjoy carving my time out for them. I have safety, security, and most of all, serenity.

The only thing missing is a little to just shine some light on all that I have. That can bring her abundance next to mine and know that both of us can help each other make our days better. To know that even when skies are grey, we can be each other's bright spot.

I know that many of you come to these post to look for a laundry list of kinks that you can line up with yours...but you won't find that here. Don't get me wrong, I love the titles, the outfits, the dynamics, the pleasure, the punishments...but that all should come of that finding where our circles overlap together. So if you're at all curious to see if we can be better together, break the ice by telling me what in your life you value the most.

See you there,

John