Hi everyone. I’m a 40-year-old man based in Yorkshire, England. I’m single, never married, with no kids, and am looking to meet a woman for a long-term relationship.

The kind of dynamic I’m looking for is partly an old-fashioned one between a man and a woman. One where I take the lead and am the head of the household, providing protection and support and guidance for my partner, who in turn looks up to and places her trust in me. A relationship where I help my partner to be the person she wants to be, which might include setting rules and boundaries, and enforcing them in ways we discuss and agree. Communication and overarching consent are key. I’m a caring, loving guy and not a sadist, so it’s all about approaching things in a way that works for us both and gives us both what we’re looking for.

From a DDLG perspective, I like to provide guidance to the girl I’m with, emotional support and reassurance, lots and lots of cuddles (especially with my partner sitting on my knee), holding hands, physical affection, and forehead kisses. I will also be firm with you when it’s appropriate, but communication on this is really important. I love to look after my partner and make her feel safe, and I think I’m pretty good with people who are on the shy or anxious side, or who are nervous because of inexperience. Whether you spend specific times as a play age, or you just feel like you’re still a child at heart and the world is a scary place, I would love to provide the security and care you need to be happy and confident in the world and in yourself.

In terms of other kinks, spanking is top of the list for me, and it obviously fits well with DDLG. I have a fair bit of experience of it and I love the emotional and physical intimacy that goes with traditional over-the-knee spanking, whether it’s for fun or for discipline. Again it’s something I like to do in a loving, caring, or fun way, not sadistically or violently, and it’s something to lead up to slowly. The spanking and kink worlds often seem to be focused on casual, superficial encounters, or extreme pain, none of which has ever been my thing. For me, the most important thing is the psychological connection that comes with getting to know someone well over a long period of time and being trusted by her to take control. I’m looking for a loving, caring, emotionally intimate, long-term relationship. Everything else is secondary to that.

Other than that, I like a Dominant/submissive dynamic in the bedroom - but this is something that should develop naturally, not happen from day one. So I’m looking for a girl who dreams of finding a man who will patiently and carefully take the lead with her, and to whom in due course she can give herself completely. I’m not a bully or a whips-and-chains kind of guy. It’s all about the subtle things and the psychological connection, about you choosing to be submissive to me because you trust and respect and (in time) love me. It’s not about me beating it out of you. (Although if you’re a little bratty or naughty from time to time, you might well find yourself over my knee!)

I would expect to get to know someone and build up to all of this slowly, initially with (mostly) SFW chat online, and once we’re comfortable then meeting for a drink or a coffee in person. I try to avoid being glued to my phone, so I’m not the best at non-stop texting for long periods. I do text of course, but I’d like to mix it up with phone calls or longer emails over time, and it’s important to move things into the real world when we can. I’m happy to swap photos before we meet, but I value my privacy so will want to chat for a bit first.

It’s really important that we build trust and understanding before moving to anything physical. This is all really intimate stuff, and it’s not something I want to do with a stranger. You need to know me and trust me to take care of you and to handle that responsibility appropriately, and I need to know and understand you to make sure I’m acting in your best interests. It’s also important that the relationship works in normal ways first and foremost, so I’d want to start as friends before moving to ‘normal’ dating, and not rush into strong kink stuff. Slowly is the only good approach to this for me.

In the normal world, I’m 6ft tall, slim and in decent shape (with blue eyes and dark brown hair). I’m intelligent, well-educated, attractive (or so I’m told!), and reasonably successful. I’m honest and genuine, and I value integrity and a sense of right and wrong. I’m naturally a bit reserved, but also sociable and adventurous. I like to spend time outdoors (camping and walking), I love reading and quiet nights in, and I often watch films and TV series or go to the theatre or to watch live music with friends. I am exclusively monogamous. I’m happy to chat to multiple people initially, but if we get to the dating stage then I would expect it to be monogamous.

I tend to be attracted to slim/petite, feminine women who like ‘traditional’ roles and activities. You’ll probably be in your mid to late 20s or 30s, but for the right person age shouldn’t be a barrier (adults only though, obviously). I’d love to meet someone intelligent, caring, sweet, genuine, and loving. Someone curious about the world, who dreams of meeting a man she can grow to trust and respect. At the risk of sounding shallow, while I’m no supermodel and I’m not looking for one either, it is important from an attraction perspective that you’re on the slim side and in reasonable shape. I’ve overcome my share of health issues over the years, so that kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but being in decent shape and looking after your health and fitness is important to me.

I’m not looking to have children, so if that’s a dealbreaker then I’m not for you. (It’s not that I don’t like children - I have a good reason. Just ask and I’ll be happy to explain.)

It’s also important that the kinky aspect of our life stays behind closed doors. I’m an outwardly ‘normal’ guy with normal friends, hobbies, a decent job, etc - and nobody would ever guess that I’m into the things I’ve described. So it’s important that (if and when we get to that stage) you could fit in with this and function in normal social settings. Shyness is totally fine (and often adorable!) - I just don’t want to be with someone who’s going to brat out or bring a dummy/pacifier when meeting my friends.

Well done for making it to the end of my essay! :) If it sounds like we might get on, drop me a message or a chat request. Even if you don’t think we’re compatible because of distance or whatever, I’m interested in making friends here to discuss and learn more about other people’s perspectives, so feel free to say hi anyway. I try to avoid spending my whole life glued to my phone, so don’t worry if it takes me a day or two to reply - I will respond as soon as I can.