About me: 

I’m wordy, very wordy. Be warned- or enticed!

Physically:

I am 5 ft 9.5 very lean/petite build. 

140 lbs. I am very feminine in terms of features, cheekbones, voice etc. brown eyes, naturally curly brown and blonde hair that currently sits right below my shoulders.

I am  told by others I look a few years younger than I am, without makeup, and with makeup or styling I look closer to my late 20s. The dead giveaway of age is a some gray in my hair when not dyed. 

On being transgender In a previous post even though that was in my flair it was missed by some, which led to a lot of ghosting. I am legally transitioned, and have been living as female for nearly a decade.

I have not yet had bottom surgery, but it's on the list. Since transitioning other health issues have taken priority.

If you continue to read on, you'll see that health issues are an ongoing theme in this post.

If it matters, I do pass at cis female, 100% of the time, unless my panties are pulled down. I am also more than happy to provide photos if requested.

Location: I currently live in the Phoenix AZ area but am open to moving under the right circumstances. I do in fact, plan on moving out of Arizona as soon as I see medical loops have been closed, hopefully by the end of 2023.

My intention is to use this time to build a foundation for any relationship to come. Should things become serious, I would expect a few visits over the next year.

I’m first and foremost looking for friendship and companionship. My little side is not really sexual so I would prefer some separation, at least in keeping little space safe space.

I intentionally left things ambiguous as to you, who/what I'm looking for. Listicles are so 2,000s and so limiting. It makes me feel like im creaating a filter, when I'm actually attempting the opposite.  People are not checkboxes! So, I am not going to treat you like one.

I’d much rather get the answers as to what hooked you, get to know you, your needs, wants, desires in a reply. Needless to say I get along well with most anyone and find nearly anyone interesting. Thus I look forward to getting to know You.

Interests, personality and more- to start

Nerdy, a polymath, a bookworm, movies, tabletop games, retro video games, cuddles. Can’t forget the cuddles!

Tons more details below. (Alright so…tons might’ve been an underestimate based upon the length of this post)

Feel free to skim, skip around and if something catches your eye please reach out. 

I’m not currently working, and have lifelong disability- more on that later.  I like to bring up disability early as society connects “success” with work/career. Often there is an assumption that “oh you’re disabled- so you’re looking for a caregiver.” 

I also live independently and am financially stable- bus able to contribute financially in a longer-term committed relationship.

To put minds at ease- I have a caregiver when I need them. This hooks back into wanting to use period of time while resolving the fast majority of health issues to build out a solid foundation for in a relationship, without any expectations of the battle of caregiving required during serious surgeries and recoveries.

Note: Should any sort of dependency dynamic be perused I ask for stability, I don't need or expect luxury, but the lack of stability on a Big's side has left me in some very vulnerable positions.

I live independently with help as needed, at baseline it's around 4-8 hours a week but right now it's in flux due to the intense undertaking of tackling health issues.

I’ve had a full career (IT and Business/Fintech). I stopped working when I had to make s choice of health, home, or career. A choice I'm still paying for today.

I beg you, please don't judge my grit, ambition, or success on not working and how my health stuff (currently) keeps me in bed for extended periods.

My functionality sways from being able to go for a 15 mile hike, to not getting out of bed. Fingers crossed it'll move more consistently towards the 15 mile hike side over the next six to nine months.

The next year will be an attempt  to permanently resolve most health issues. I’ll never be 100% able bodied, but have the goal of getting back to a functional baseline in the next six-nine months. This would allow me to do about 90% of what any other person could.  

Moving on…

A big little thought

A bizarre quality for a little that should be mentioned

 I have great difficulty letting others help me, take care of me, and have a very strong “go it alone” mentality as life has taught me over and over that if I stop, I die. If I’m unable to advocate for myself, I die. The inability to advocate is in fact my greatest fear.   What I need  in life, …and since relationships are part of that category.. let's get into it. Safety, security, consistency, structure, love, and patience. I want and need to be able to stop, and often the only way to achieve that is by being told/forced to. 

If you’re the type of person that would adopt a traumatized pet, we’d likely get along well. 

Who am I looking for? Well the rest of the post addresses that from different angles and types of relationship dynamics. The bottom line is..it depends and I'm not going to limit the possibilities arbitrarily

First someone whom’s  instinct of being a big,  a dominant, a parental/authority figure that is a part of who you are, and not just a kink. The well being of their little/sub/slave trump's sexual impulse or desire.

I am open to all relationship dynamics levels of intensity, beat that in the form of power exchange, Big/little from light to 24/7. I am open to Poly dynamics, and even a family like dynamic- for example, if a couple is looking to have a little join their household.

This, all, of course, assumes anything beyond friendship or conversation.

Although shenanigans, kinks, and all the rest are in addition to- the icing, not the cake.

Side rant: Within the abdl and DDlg community,(and in submissives in general) it is often overlooked that we are attracted to this lifestyle because something bad happened to us previously. I know for me this is true and while sex is a big plus why I’m drawn to submission and little space is deeply psychological, an avenue that can address needs I’ve been unable to find elsewhere.

In terms of personality, relating to my own unfulfilled needs.

I'm looking for a lover, a partner, a best friend, a teacher. / protector, a goofball, someone who isn't afraid to live their life and not care what the neighbors think. Bonus points for someone who will do their best to keep us both out of ruts.

As this dynamic is different from even most D/s dynamics I feel it important to emphasize I am looking for someone who is in a place in their life that both wants and is capable of providing.

I can contribute financially, so by being in a place to be a provider. Think emotionally available, mature, more or less stable in most areas of your life, and you wanting and needing someone on the little side to feel fulfilled. 

This quality, for me is deeply meaningful. If someone who feels taking care of their loved one can actually meet their needs, rather than drain them. (See the whole thing about difficulty on letting others help and feeling like a burden).

I don't often see that on these subreddits, but its beautiful and important. For me it's a quality that makes me feel safe, that when I'm having a rough go, and it's not kinky sexy time even if your in the mood, that I will be safe and not resented for being who I am or what's outside of my control.

As this relationship could be anything and any combination of things. From casual friends, all the way to tpe.  What the dynamics look like depends on where and how we match up.  In every case mutual reciprocation is expected, and communicating is a must.

I’m not setting expectations but rather leaving the door open to any and all possibilities. 

As to why now? I honestly, simply just no longer desire to do this thing called life on my own, by myself anymore... and the whole sands of time being against me is a pretty good incentive. I want to say, to know, that I tried. Also, as previously mentioned, I intend to use this time of wrapping up health issues to truly get to know somebody over an extended period of time and build a solid relationship foundation.

I am being as open and honest as I can be here. If we connect I see the next six-twelve months as relationships building. So when all the health stuff gets resolved, we will have s solid foundation.

This post isn't because it’s not possible or I’m not capable of continuing to "go it alone". More accurately, given the option I would rather choose the experience of being in a relationship, and one that involves D/s and CG/little aspects.

Worth mentioning again mutual reciprocation and all typical healthy relationship elements are important to me and should be to you at every level of a relationship. 

I’m looking for a relationship in which I know I’m safe with my partner. Both our needs are being met, snf even when things are tough. that we chose this experience together and we are in this together. This is true from the beginning and into the longer term should things head that direction. No matter the length of time or level of intimacy, we both chose to spend the time the energy the work as it was an experience we decided together this is what we want.

I do have a deep desire to spend on lots of time and a little space, so being able to get to that point is going to be hard for me to let go. I do often fantasize about a 24/7 dynamic, where, even when they needed to adult is required. There is still a parental approach to the power dynamic-Amber S1 is looking for it in public per se, most would likely see just another couple. So a understanding, a change in tone, and previously discussed expectations would be in play. Part of this fantasy/dream scenario would include a quiet nursery/little girls room, where I could both play, sleep, and internal make the world just a little bit smaller and less overwhelming.

This again becomes somewhat of a contradiction of regressive, personality traits, and even a "little" within our dissociative identity disorder system I suppose you could say that there is a difference between knowing what one needs and actually being able to see you make the changes necessary. An external catalyst or force is, I believe necessary to help me get to the point where letting others take a bit of the burden of this body and existence off one's oen shoulders.

Safety as you're seeing is s big theme for me.

I don’t actually remember the last time I felt safe, that there would be someone to catch me when I fall, and the more precarious my health jas become the more I am realizing how much I need that to reach my full potential. 

I would ask you to reflect on how you would feel about getting involved with someone, anyone, knowing from the beginning that person has a disability/chronic illness. Would thst be a deal breaker? Would it be too much pain to fall for someone knowing they had years, not decades.?

That is essentially my body, my life. The only big difference Is I happen to be a little at heart, am kinky, and have been broken by life many times over, psychologically as well as physically. It's not uncommon to get the question How do you exist?

A bit more on the little stuff.

I don’t seek to be in little space 24/7 but little space is the easiest way for me to allow help from others, to be vulnerable. I do yearn for a smaller less complicated world to be my norm. A smaller world where I could spend a decent amount of time is a fantasy I have. This world. It feels so big and so overwhelming, so scary, so much of the time. Being able to have a taste of that. *Pure wistfulness *

Common questions on health conditions (simplified) List of conditions Cerebral palsy- stroke in utero- affects dexterity on left side and makes me a bit clumsy

*Drug resistant epilepsy- currently pursuing surgery route- the epilepsy is secondary to the cerebral palsy and is responsible for about 80% of the non genetic issues. If surgery works the vast majority of the remaining issues below should either stabilize or disappear altogether

Autonomic dysfunction- postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome

Dissociative identity disorder

Mast cell activation syndrome

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS)

Small fiber neuropathy

Corneal neuropathy and extreme dry eye disease*

Weird vision issues, related to how the brain interprets information from the left and right eyes

Migraines

Cluster headaches

I'm happy to answer any questions you may have, I do you want to reiterate, that the vast majority of these issues are an all likelihood going to disappear or be very well-controlled once the epilepsy surgery is complete.

Other random thoughts. 

I understand fully that this blends the lines between partner/romance/kink/Ds dynamic, caregiver/little and oh so much more. The right partner I would guess would want something that encompasses the entire relationship, not just one aspect.

For a long term/committed relationship dynamic 

If there was a “choose your relationship dynamic” store, My choice would be described as a combination of adoption and tpe. 

Kinks! Did someone say kimks‽ 

First on diapers- not sexual for me, but linked to safety and security. While in little space they cannot be sexualixed. Diapers  are often medically necessary as well.

l absolutely adore them, and would be open to wearing them 24/7 if that is of interest to you. They are the closest thing I have to a safety blanket. 

Note: Within these personals I’ve seen  diapers as a hard no- so I wanted to address this. I don’t need them 24/7 but do need them nearly daily for medical purposes, almost always just urine. 

Right, so kinks 

Diaper training/control-different from wearing. I enjoy restraints, cnc, pet play (Pepper says hi!) light corporal punishment, small/confined spaces.intense experiences, and in general lean towards the extremes in a scenes. Very open to kinks

It needs to be said that hypnosis is a big part of my life, as is meditation. I love long term , intense hypno kink, including but not limited to mindplay, personality and preference changes, identity changes. I find it can be extremely intimate and should we ever explore that area you will see me at my most vulnerable. This is by no means a requirement and the exploration and journeys that I have been previously undertaken through Hipnosis have been a means to an end- also due to the nature of the path, the Hipnosis, that I have mostly been involved and has been within the kink community but is ad score a therapeutic Avenue.

I’ve been described as “the girl with the weird plastic brain”. Within this area I have an entire “programmable girl” tumblr blog/journal that has and continues to document the journey and this aspect of my identity. 

The programmable girl is mentioned here because I am down that path to the point of it being part of my identity. That particular project is unfinished. After all, when is identity reconstruction complete?  Again it is at its core an attempt at achieving what I cannot change on my own, and is therapeutic and nature. It is for this reason that, although extreme, it is a take it, or leave it for me, and I'm happy to use other avenues that are available to us both to achieve the results that we both want and desire .

There are no kinks that come to mind as being hard limits besides perhaps scat play- Yucky! Otherwise, If it exists I've probably been exposed to it and am okay with it. Fun fact: I have been known to host kinky Halloween parties. 

I tend to move between super serious when needed to a laid back goofball “why so serious‽ because the situation requires it. Otherwise, let’s put a smile on that face!

The longer list of interests and hobbies is as follows, but again I find almost anything/anyone interesting. My greatest love is to truly know somebody and be known. 

I love books, tv, movies, and music if it’s not too loud or overstimulating. 

I’m not super active right now but hope to be in the next couple years. 

Some would call my outlook on life bittersweet. I take in stride the good and the bad, the easy, and the hard. It's a packaged deal this thing we call life. All or none, we can't pick n choose.

A little more In all fairness this year I sometimes actually need the occasional assistance getting bathed and ready for the day/bed. And if that’s appealing to you from a dynamic perspective I’m all in. We can go as intense or as light as we decide on regression, little stuff, power dynamics. I kinda totally have a thing for extremes.

I have a busy cluttered mind that my mom likes to say "it's a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there ".

I tend to be always learning/thinking. If asked what my hobbies are, the first thing that comes to mind is “learning, I’m insanely curious”.

i attempt to very low drama, but can get overwhelmed with existing, which can lead to drama while I attempt to processs. A little like a little.

This mind as has been hinted at exists wotnon s very high maintenance body, at least for now. When there is s clash of mind and body. Various drama senses.

I don’t know how long I have left on this earth. More likely years than decades. I've only hinted at most of the health stuff for the purposes of full disclosure. The sheer complexity could literally be written as a book on how weird my health is. (I'm)possible‽ - in bookstores at some point hopefully, maybe just not right now.

Life is love

My love languages include touch and acts of nurturing/caregiving. I hate the typical 9-12 months it takes to know someone and be known and as such tend to need to warn people that I like to go to the uncomfortable questions from the starting lineup. 

I hate having to wear masks, and one of the greatest treasures in life is to truly know someone and be known. From both sides of the relationship know there is absolutely nothing to hide, nothing that will be used against you etc. I wish people understood there is no one that will be 100% compatible with. 

You can’t change people (occasionally you can come across a programmable girl but…) you can become aware of their faults, meet people where they are, and of course become aware of your own faults and go about working on them. 

We don’t enter a relationship because it’s easy, it’s because we want to take that road, that journey, that experience. 

My epitaph will read someday “She sought to know and be known, to see and be seen, to understand and be understood.”

I want to end with my life goal, which can be simplified into the following: 

“I hope the days spent on this planet nudge humanity in a direction that leads to the greatest chance of our species reaching their maximum potential, and to minimize suffering and maximize opportunity for as much of humanity as possible. I’m doing so we must learn to balance the growth of the soul, with these nudges. No one person can change the world. Each of us has lessons and growth to do in this lifetime. The trick is balancing the growth of oneself, and learning only through cooperation. It is only together thst we can hope to achieve the best possible outcome for ourselves and each other. 

Whether they are alive today or in 10,000 generations, long after becoming star stuff once more. If there should be ripples of this life lived that they are positive. It is better to leave no mark at all, than to leave a scar, and so I tread lightly and for right here. Right now, I am content with enjoying the show.”

If I have piqued your interest, I would love to start a conversation and go from there. I’m an open book, and open without expectation to what comes next. 

If you’ve reached the end here.. well thank you! I’d encourage you to reach out. 

Again- It goes without question that the vast majority of what I wrote was based on my needs and what I am looking for.  Doing otherwise would have made me feel like I was writing a job description of required qualifications. Yucky!

Warmly,  Brooke