Should I just give up on one?

I lack structure as a whole, I don't even have much for myself, I don't want to set up rules or punishment because I don't want to cross lines or make someone feel bad, and I'm used to soft littles who are busy bodies when they're big. I regress myself and every once in a while I can't help them because I'm also little and I don't like having little friends, as silly as that sounds, it's just weird to me.

All that and the small things inbetween make me feel like I'm just not cut out for it and I should just keep looking for my own cg instead, which is also the shitty part, because all I want for myself is someone who's attention I can randomly grab for some random 30 minutes of the day unless you really want to talk to me or wv it can be more. I'm just so used to taking care of myself and regressing alone that I feel like helping someone else would make me feel better.

And thus, the cycle begins.