I am pretty sure I got ME/CFS when I was 18, in 2005. (35 now.) It got harder and harder to keep up with life, until a huge crash after my wedding in 2011. I was diagnosed in 2012, but kept trying to live my life as much as possible, totally oblivious to what this illness really is.

In 2013, I had a bad car accident and another bad case of PEM that left me much worse off. I eventually became primarily homebound.

This particular PEM crash included so much brain fog that I ghosted my best friend and didn’t notice. I’ve never felt like such a bad person as I did when I finally remembered … basically her existence. This crash also led to me leaving work permanently in 2014.

In 2015, I left my abusive husband and had another PEM crash that left me primarily bedbound and unable to regularly do the simplest of tasks on my own.

Throughout all of this, it became harder and harder to keep up with communicating with friends and family alike. There were huge chunks of time where I was essentially incapacitated and worried about staying alive, and no other priorities. I couldn’t even brush my teeth every day, because I didn’t have the energy. And I don’t know about you all, but I personally find it very difficult to explain to people that I’m too tired to even text, especially when I’m already so tired I can’t do the things I’m trying to explain I can’t do.

Around the time of my divorce, I deleted my Facebook account and other identifying social media, in an effort to stay away from my ex. That was my only way of contacting a lot of people that I haven’t spoken to in years now.

Around 2017, I tried to do a small business from home selling CBD. I made friends with some customers, but had another horrible PEM crash and spent another year in bed. I ghosted them too.

I am now at a point where I can stay awake a few hours a day, and I feel like I might be able to draft some sort of mass apology letter or something, but I don’t really know what to do or how to go about it etc. This has been weighing heavily on me for years, and I obviously feel massively guilty.

What do I do?? What would you do? Have you ghosted your whole life like I have?

I feel like a terrible person. If you agree that I am, please keep it to yourself. I’m only looking for constructive advice here, not help feeling like crap. Thank you!