Severe here, just spent a week in the hospital from a cyclic vomiting episode (google if you want, it’s horrendous and exhausting is the point), and haven’t left the house otherwise since maybe February. Most of this year I have thought I was dying.

Current level of severity is the ability to make a sandwich and eat it before I have to spend the rest of the day asleep. Can wash my own hair again but only once a month, not at the same time as scrubbing my body down. Can watch a movie but only if I pause and rewind over and over to repeat parts because I can’t absorb info fully. Can’t read a book, can read a short story. You get the idea. PEM feels like everything in my body is dying more than normal, and sometimes triggers seizures.

Every winter my baseline has deteriorated permanently. Been sick 20 years.

My dog is dying of cancer. So is my dad.

Dad is doing the chemo thing and hanging in there but I can’t be there with my family. I worry I won’t be able to go to his funeral, and I expect it will be within the next year.

My dog went from zero to 100 in just a couple of weeks. We didn’t even know she was sick, until this past weekend. Monday we got the news she had weeks left. Turns out it was days. We expect to have to put her down in the next couple-few days. It’s hard to know when to do it.

The problem is, I’m so severe that I’m stuck at home with the bf, where doggo can’t live. She’s too big for COA rules. So my friend has been keeping her for me, and she has grown to love it there.

Friend brought my furkid to stay with me for the week but it’s time to send her back home with friend so she is comfortable in her last days.

I want to go along and be there with her until the end. Stay with my friend for a few days etc.

Except I’m so severe that I am scared I will be killing myself to do that. I am barely making it through the emotional turmoil of this week as it is.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like the worst dog mom and friend. I don’t want to have any regrets, I but I’m worried my biggest regret would be the crash. And it feels like no one else takes that part as seriously as I do. (Why is no one else afraid I’ll die? Do they think I’m making it up?)

Anyway.

The dog. I have to make a decision like … in the next 1-2 HOURS. Please if you can advise me with a brain that works better than mine does right now, please do. 🙏

Edit: typo