TW: Upsetting, death, s*cide

I’m deteriorating rapidly. The smallest tasks, like feeding the dog, or eating food and taking my plate to the sink, are rendering me essentially catatonic. Can’t move, open eyes, talk. Even my stream of consciousness shuts off. Sometimes I weep, usually too tired for that.

Two years ago I could go on a walk. But I’ve been sick at least 18 years.

What can I reasonably try that might improve my quality of life even marginally? I’m obviously unable to work, so I have no income and can’t afford to have tons of tests run, but am willing to consider anything.

I’m desperate. At this rate, I will be on a feeding tube in 5-10 years. That’s being generous. Could be 1 year.

I removed trigger foods and as many other environmental triggers as possible, including a moldy house.

I take these supplements and feel like I’m dying without them:

Magnesium glycinate Coq10 L-carnitine L-tyrosine Alpha lipoic acid B100 complex Benfotiamine Pantothenic acid Probiotics Lysine Vitamin C Vitamin D3 Omega 3

I also take acyclovir, Depakote, lexapro, sumatriptan, and Ativan, the last two as needed, the rest daily.

I tried amitriptyline years ago and didn’t react well to it. (That helps some people right?)

I keep trying to start LDN 0.5mg but keep getting such bad migraines we are looking at trying 0.25mg instead, but that’s another $100 sooo… I might give the 0.5mg one more attempt. 🤞

In the future I will need to try to detox from the black mold toxicity (I tested REALLY high. Like really really high.) But I am told it might make me sicker before better, and also I need to be minimally stable or the toxins will just reabsorb. So I can’t do that right now.

What else can I do? I’m terrified. Pacing is irrelevant when you can’t do anything anyway. I’m cold, and can’t even sit up to cover myself with a blanket right now.

I’m preparing for end of life. My intention was to get rid of almost everything I own, but I can’t do that even with assistance right now. I’m considering where my cut-off is for acceptable QOL. And what do I do about it? I refuse to be hooked up to a machine with no hope, for the rest of my life.

All advice is welcome but I doubt I will have the strength to respond to people individually, so thank you in advance if you comment.

Edit to add: I also use cannabis.