So I'm just going to come right out and say it, but only if you let me explain. So shush and let me get through it, okay?

I'm lonely.

There. I admitted it. But listen, it's not all the time, and it's not as pathetic as you're thinking. I'll give you an example. You know when you're home alone and it's really quiet and you're not occupying your mind with anything? Sometimes there's rogue feelings or thoughts that pass through, and that's one of them. Maybe it's because I'm not used to it, maybe it's because as much as I love my dog, he's not the best conversationalist.

I know one day we're going to look back at this post, and you'll probably laugh at me. If I'm in a good mood, I'll probably laugh, too. If I'm not, maybe I'll hit you in the arm and roll my eyes and remind you that hey, apparently whatever I said worked, right? But I have to get you to see this first, so that future us can...be future us.

They tell you in therapy to treat yourself well and talk to yourself positively, so let's do that! I think I'm decently attractive, and I can be funny. I can be pretty cringe, too, but that's a generational side effect. I'm proud of my gaming hobby (video and tabletop) and enjoy my general nerdery. I like the fact that I'm low maintenance, meaning that I can be perfectly happy occupying the same space as you, each doing our own thing comfortably. Maybe I wanted to commit to 12 hours of Elden Ring while you wanted to binge old seasons of The Great British Bakeoff. And we can laugh, and offer commentary to each other about what we're doing. Maybe we'll even make eye contact on occasion, and do that stupid smile. You know the one. And then, maybe around dinner time, we both stand up and loudly proclaim that we're hungry and have a productive discussion about what to eat for fifteen minutes...and then either cave and get delivery or throw a pizza in. I love the fact that for me, nothing is sacred. Meaning that I can mention anything to you, at any time, and it's never 'too soon' or 'too personal'. I love to talk to you about the failings of capitalism, or your upset stomach, or the results of your doctor's appointment! I communicate openly, honestly, and frequently, and you don't seem to mind. Even better, you seem to prefer it that way.

I am proud of how far I've come as a person, and I'm proud of you, too.

So, in some alternate timeline, what are some of the reasons you wouldn't reach out to me if I'm so fucking great? Maybe you really want children, and fur babies won't cut it. Maybe you're not in Florida, and you're not willing to consider relocation from wherever you are. Maybe you're not mentally/emotionally/financially secure (as much as we can be in this apocalyptic "post"-COVID landscape) and don't consider yourself in the same life stage as I am. Maybe you're super conservative and are the conductor of the Trump train. Maybe you don't work (I know, I know, no one really *wants* to work, but dual income is so nice). Maybe you're insanely jealous and don't like the fact I have friends and things I do independent of you. Maybe something in my post history spooked you (which is so ridiculous, if you have a question, please ask!).

...maybe you don't want a serious relationship. And that sucks. But I can't help that I do. I love diving straight into the deep end of the pool, and investing in someone for the long term.

So if you're still here, thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I hope to hear from you, so we do get to laugh about all this later when we tell our parents we met on fucking Reddit of all places.