I’m at the point in my life where I find myself googling “best toilet scrubber brush” or “best business socks”. But seriously , those are important things, right?

Many people complained this bit wasn’t at the top so , here: I am not looking for a long distance thing so I’m sorry but I’m only looking for San Diego locals or at most people maybe a 2 hr drive from SD. Unless you just happen to visit SD often.

Navigating your 40s is weird. I don’t feel old and boring. But am I?

Truth be told, I recently quit drinking and smoking cigarettes so I’m probably at least a little more boring than the last time I posted. At this point I should probably mention I’d prefer someone who doesn’t drink or hardly ever drinks.

I’ve started wearing comfortable shoes (Cole Hahn zero grands are great)… I haven’t gotten to the point of wearing hush puppies … but it’s getting there.

Anyhoo, hello. I’m 43, child free (not having kids at my age) and single. I’m an introvert and very picky with who I give my time and energy to. I haven’t dated since roughly 2020 and I’m starting to get annoyed with everyone questioning when I’m going to date again. Like I’m going to die tomorrow or something.

A bit of foreshadowing there. If you respond with “hey” I will simply stare at the chat expecting to see the magic 3 dots that indicate you’re about to write an essay.

I laugh about children falling off of bikes. Not only because children falling off of bikes is funny, but also because it’s healthy for children to hear laughter when they get hurt.

I’m experienced enough to know being with the wrong person is much much worse than being alone.

I totally understand if you are reading this thinking “oh god, why would anyone want to date you?”. Because I feel the same way when I read overly bubbly posts about finding true love. I’m looking for a very special kind of fucked up and you shouldn’t be offended by that if it’s not you. And I genuinely hope everyone in the world can either find the right person or be really happy being alone.

So what can I say about myself to entice someone?? Oof.

I cook a lot. Home cooked meals every night. Usually pretty good ones. I try not to eat toooo much red meat. And I rarely eat things with commercial preservatives. I’m even forcing myself to drink Coke Zero and/or only take a couple sips of a regular coke before pouring the rest out.

I’m a pretty good guitarist. And a lover of most music. I’m a dictionary of music. But sadly, don’t know much current music. So there’s a huge gap in my knowledge.

I have read things and have books. I’m not saying they’re “smart” books or trying to sound well read. But I’ve got a nice collection. I like fiction.

I’m Pretty good with communication. I speak my mind and don’t like to yell when there’s a disagreement. I may take a minute to gather my thoughts but what I say will be accurate and concise. I express my emotions and acknowledge my feelings.

I don’t have a ton of friends (by choice- I cut out unhealthy people) but the ones I have are good friends. Non judgmental and kind people are my people.

Ok. You made it this far. Congratulations. Here’s what I’m looking for:

Firstly, someone over the age of 30 and not older than 45.

Someone extremely ok with who they are. Like very self assured. Insecurity is normal but if you are an attention/validation seeking person I will sniff it out right away. I can’t stress enough how important this is. I am old. I have dated a ton and I have been married. I do not have the time or energy to devote to making someone else feel validated on a daily basis. That’s not to say I won’t give compliments and show affection. I just don’t want to fix someone. I wasted my youth attempting that.

I’d like Someone liberal. Or at least who cares enough about people to avoid denying others happiness just because it bothers them morally (murder aside).

Someone not religious or superstitious. We all have that friend that believes the dumbest conspiracy theories and has a favorite psychic they go to once a month. And I am not dating that friend.

Someone omnivorous or at least understands there are situations where you’ll have to take a bite of something you don’t like so as not to offend your host.

Someone with at least a tolerance, if not an appreciation of dark humor. And fart jokes. “People who don't find farts funny will find less happiness in their lives but still the same amount of farts” I don’t know who originally said it but it’s true.

Someone with their life reasonably together. At least hoping to own a home one day and not live paycheck to paycheck.

I don’t care about your height or your Skin , eye or hair color. Those aren’t factors in who I’m attracted to.

The deal breakers:

A love of Baseball. Sorry (actually, I’m not sorry).

A preference for Horror movies (jump scares mainly)

Adherence to a Religion.

Extremism of any sort. Life is not black and white.

Conservatism.

Karaoke. No explanation needed.

And I hate to include this because I feel it will disqualify most of the population but; having a preference for a submissive or dominant partner (sexually or non sexually). Or having a kink list. Please understand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this I just know it won’t mesh with me. I’m vanilla. I don’t want to be dominant. Or submissive. If you have a specific kink, you should look for a partner who suits it or you’re never going to be happy.

If you made it to the end, I apologize for the length of this ramble. But I’m just being honest about what I’m looking for.

One very last thing. As I mentioned, I recently quit drinking and smoking. The two go hand in hand for me. I haven’t had a strong urge to smoke at all and I honestly feel like it won’t be a huge thing. But that’s likely because I haven’t drank. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t quit drinking just because I don’t want to smoke. I quit because it’s such a crutch for people. To drink rather than entertain yourself. to drink to de-stress rather than find healthy coping mechanisms. To drink to pretend to be social rather than simply trying to be yourself and be inquisitive of others. The consumption of empty calories. The lowered inhibition that leads to bad decisions about what to eat or who to text. The fact that it’s a poison and is just not good for your body. There’s a ton of reasons. So yeah, kind of important that whoever responds is at least cool with drinking not being a huge part of their life. And hopefully is on their own journey to better health.

If you do respond, please tell me about your favorite book. Or I may not respond :)