I'm terrified of driving. I don't drive. I want to learn. If that's an issue, don't message me. I'm saving you time from reading my book of a post. If you ask "why don't you drive" in your first message...just don't.

PLEASEEE be over your ex before messaging me.

PLEASE be 28 or older. Do not send pointless messages saying "Good luck" or "I wish I were single". Do not message me if you're taken.

Facts about moi:

• I work with smol humans for a living. I like kids. I don't want any of my own. I get more than enough at work.

  • I do not want kids. I want to put my effort and energy into my partner. That said, you will get extra credit if you're snippy snapped.
  • I love going to concerts. So, it'd be cool if you liked them too. I don't want to go by myself.

• I currently listen to one band on repeat...Dayseeker is absolutely my most absolute favoritest band. The Used is also a favorite. But right now, my adhd is obsessed with Dayseeker.

• I love love love traveling. It IS a dealbreaker if you don't.

  * Please don’t be a giant grouch on vacations. Coworkers complain about their spouse being a shitbird on trips. No thanks. I'm not dealing with that shit. No shitbirds allowed.

  * I also like staying in, of course! But I’m not a homebody. I struggled during the COVID shutdown. Being cooped up SUCKED. I do not want to beg you to get out of the house. Again, I am NOT a homebody. If you are, we are not a match.

* I have a spicy brain.

* I’m super duper ADHD. Fun times! I’m also like an anxious puppy. Woop woop.

* The most organized thing in my life is this list.

* The Office and Parks and Rec are two of my favorite shows. I also like Bob’s Burgers and Avatar The Last Airbender.  I don't watch a ton of TV. I'd probably watch it more if I had someone to watch TV with.

* I don't watch a whole lot of TV, honestly...my ADHD brain enjoys the short videos on Tiktok.

* I talk to myself out loud in public. My BOSS has caught me doing that. Aaawkward.

* I promise I'm only a little crazy...depends on who you ask.

* I like things like tarot (NO I cannot do a card reading for you. I don't know how, I just think it's cool!My friend does readings for me) and other spiritual stuff. If you're into that too, cool!

* I like men with facial hair. I also like men who are more alt-y (think piercings and tattoos...singer of Dark Divine)....but that isn't a requirement! It's just bonus points.

• I prefer men who can lead in the relationship. I like protective men. BUT there's a difference between being controlling and being protective. I hope you do!

• I have tattoos and my septum pierced. I swear I feel more cute with it!

• I like artsy stuff. Recently, a friend taught me how to put air dry clay into resin molds and make cool shit. I bought a bunch of stuff on temu to make more. I hope this current obsession is still a thing when it finally comes in the mail! Yes, I'm sure Temu steals my information. But I'm a broke bitch. They can steal my student loans while they're at it.

Why you should date me:

* We can listen to emo bands together whenever you want

* Emo music can mean many things and I’m OK with that.

* You won’t get food poisoning from my cooking

* I can make more than Hamburger Helper and frozen pizzas. Though, the ranch burger hamburger helper is my fave.

* The velveeta skillets are better, though.

* I’m suuuper short. So, if you’re insecure about your height, I gotchu. I’ll make you feel tall..or taller! 

* I don’t care about height and it makes me sad that people feel insecure about something they can’t change.

* I’m a great small spoon…but I guess if you REALLY insist, I can be a jetpack. Buuuuutttt it isn't my first choice...but please don't cuddle all night. I want my space and I need to sprawl out and become a blanket burrito...with one leg out because otherwise, I'll get too hot and sweat all over the bed and it's gross waking up sweaty. Then your bed will sweaty and you'll have to do laundry! What if you just washed it?

• Personally, I like laying on the dudes chest...whatever cuddling position that is. Ya know, with your arm around me.