My cat is at least 22. He's the most wonderful, dearest, sweetest boy. And he's starting to suffer from feline kidney disease, so the vet has him on the k/d food as well as IV fluids every other day. My partner is traveling, so I have to do the fluids myself.

I have a strong needle aversion. Getting injections myself, I get lightheaded or nauseated at least. Usually tunnel vision. Sometimes go into shock (shaking, ears ringing/can't hear, body locks up). I react viscerally to seeing needles show up in movies and TV shows. I'll flinch. Sometimes feel sick.

So this is basically my nightmare.

The vet tech showed me how to do it and it's just...the feeling of resistance pushing the needle into his skin and having to keep pushing, it's terrible. Having to watch it go in is terrible. Pinching around it as I pull it out is terrible.

The upside is that it IS helping him. I mean, obviously, that's the upside, the most important part. Though as he feels better, he now has the energy to reaction more strongly to doing it. He fights more and makes louder pain noises.

I do it in the bathroom and I've set it up so that if I pass out, I won't hurt myself or him. I've never passed out abruptly, so I do believe that if I was going to pass out, I'd have enough time to pull it out of him and toss it to the side. So far I haven't gotten to the passing out point, or even close. Just intensely nauseous and stressed. I'm so stressed about it. I'm so scared of screwing up and hurting him. It's so hard. I do it first thing in the morning, and the rest of that day, I'm ok. But on the off day (today is that day) the stress and fear just builds and builds and builds. I've read about it a ton, I feel about as educated as I can be. I've read that it gets easier. This will be time #4. So far it doesn't feel easier. I'm crying off and on today because it's so stressful and scary.

I don't even know if this is the right place to post this, but I was hoping maybe some people on here who also have needle issues have had to do this and could offer some advice.

If anybody has any words of encouragement, please, I really need them. I don't know how I'm going to keep doing this until my partner gets back next week.

Edited: Thank you so much for reaching out and giving me advice on how to do this, and reassuring me that I'm not hurting him that much. This morning, I did a number of things differently. I took a klonopin. I put his IV bag in a ziploc bag and then submerged it in warm water for 20 mins - that seemed to make a REALLY big difference when it was going in to him, and next time I'm going to make the water slightly warmer. I had a cup of greenies in there with us and I have him greenies before and during and after, which REALLY helped with his restlessness and unhappiness with the needle. I also accidentally jabbed him a little while I was getting him into position and he really didn't react at all, so I can see how the needle itself probably doesn't bother him too too much until it's really being dug in. I screwed up a little with the needle at the end - after I turned off the flow, it just slipped out, so I think it either needed to be in deeper OR I need to hold it better when he's restless. That's hard for me, but I think I can get better at it.

Lastly, I'm letting him sulk in the furthest depths of my closet for now. He definitely doesn't like me right now, but hopefully with some bonito flakes and butter, I can convince him that I'm not the Worst Mom Ever.