So I met this woman on FB, we clicked became friends the usual. I reached out a message and it took a week to hear back, I'd basically considered it a lost cause. But then she replied and we really really hit it off. Like beyond amazing, we had different backgrounds but had both been hurt and through a lot. I have 3 kids, she has 2. Her ex isn't in the picture and is a bad guy. She tells me she doesn't work but she takes care of her elderly grandmother. And her boys full time. Everything was good except she first it was the can't do phone calls... But she would do voice note messages so that felt better. But that only lasted a day or 2. She sends me pictures of her kids occasionally but not with herself ever in the picture. She would send pictures but usually they're more staged looking. Never live. Never anything verifiable. We have deep conversations, but they're scattered and inconsistent. She can't really give a time frame of being able to communicate regularly. So that was a second concern after the phone calls. It the big one was the pictures. I asked for them. Today I had to drop off my kids back with their mothers and I reached out to her and we were talking and I mentioned being sad and wishing I could see her face and all the sudden she says she forgot daylight saving time and her whole day was behind and it was impossible. So I told her how much it was upsetting me that she never takes them. And that I would have thought given the rough place I was feeling emotionally and the fact that she was currently free and texting me it would have been a simple thing to do and it didn't sit right with me. Then a picture comes through 15 minutes later with her looking very cute in a bra and a plaid oversized shirt and she claims it is her "depression special" and she doesn't understand why I am so wrapped up on the pictures.

I had tried to address it with her and she was offended that I didn't trust that she was who she said and that I was saying she was capable of playing cruel games with someone was wrong. I suffer from a very traumatic kind of rejection issue called RSD. It happens in people with severe ADHD. So she definitely had me questioning if I was really worried or being paranoid. I had a trip planned to see her at the end of the month. Plane ticket paid hotel and cabin rental done. She knew about these and helped me plan them. I tried explaining that it was frightening to do all of that and I couldn't get a live picture and she processes to send this long message angry with me because I don't appreciate how she doesn't have the luxury of making phone calls or taking pictures of herself all the time.

But she lays in bed to put her son to sleep. She sits while they play on the beach. She says she "doom scrolls" and shares memes on FB all day some days .. but she can't click a selfie? So I told her I have to call it off if she can't manage live pictures occasionally. I have to eat a few hundred dollar loss on the cabin rental and I'm sick as hell about it all. I'll be sobbing for at least a week because I really thought she was everything I'd ever wanted in a person. Her personality was so perfect... Everything was just amazing and I was done the day we started talking... But I can't risk it when someone won't do one of the easiest things there is to do....

Did I make a Smart move? I'm so sick over this. I'm flipping out, heart racing. It's just got me all mixed up because she seemed so genuine.... But not being able to ever ever do a live requested face picture? That's really weird right? And should definitely be a concern?