Hi. This is my first time posting anything on reddit. Not sure if this is the right place to post it so apologies in advanced.

Let’s just call myself Bieber since that’s what most of my college friends called me back in college. I am a 29 year old introverted male and have a degree in Civil Engineering and currently working on a formworks company in the Philippines. My hobbies are listening to music, playing video games, reading murder mystery novels like Jo Nesbø, watching live music and practicing music photography.

For the first 4 years of my work (from a different company), all i did was mostly drafting and rarely on the technical stuff like determining if the formwork is safe for use. I am now currently entering my 3rd year working for my current company, which is still a bit of drafting drawings and a bit more on sales and actual site work. So what’s my problem?

It is just now clicking me that I hate my job. Drafting and other technical/mathematical work was fine but when it came to site work and talking to clients, I always found myself feeling tense and breathing heavily. Whenever we would have zoom meetings, all I wanted to do was just escape.

On my bad days, there would be times when i would rethink why the heck did i choose civil engineering as my job? Do I just despise the work environment I’m currently on, am i just complaining a lot, or maybe engineering was not right for me from the beginning? The 3rd question hit me the most.

On a different topic, there would be times where i would daydream myself as a music producer or anything on that field. Granted i don’t know how to play any musical instrument, but I strongly believe that I can play the drums. There would be times when I’m alone, I would airdrum to music like Queens of the Stone Age, August Burns Red, Priestess, Cancer Bats, and a ton more. I love music and I’ve always considered myself a music fan and enthusiast. I actually found myself way more interested in watching videos of music documentaries, music production ( how famous songs were made, etc.), and complex drum covers rather than watching how buildings were constructed and what hardships and solutions the engineering team went through.

So why didn’t I pick music as my course for college? I always thought that in order to get into that course, you need to be good ay a certain musical instrument(I only played bass and was bad at it lol). Another reason was that i was being realistic with my self at the time. I don’t see myself a creative person. I lack creativity, and I’ve always heard that working in music industry or anything related to it is either cruel or not too financial. Why did I pick Civil Engineering? I don’t know. Math was my favourite subject, and I was good at it. Also my parents are both engineers and they recommended it to me.

For the past few months, I’ve just been trying to figure out my options because I just feel very, very lost. I hate myself for not being smarter when I was young. I have less than a handful of friends but I don’t want to bother them because they are either engaged or married and I would feel like an asshole if I disturb them, hence writing this. In work I’ve just been trying to get through each and every day. Just recently I’m thinking if i should enroll again under Music Technology, but it takes 4 years to complete, and i’m 29 and also my parents are planning to retire for good this year. Another option was figure out why DID i choose civil engineering, and if I can just live with my choices and find a way to enjoy my remaining years in the Civil Engineering Field. Or was I just so stressed that I am having these thoughts? Is this just a rant? Am I just being a wuss and bitch and complain a lot? All I know is I’m not happy with where I’m currently at.

I’m also starting to consider finding jobs outside the country, like Canada? Or UK? But I think I’m getting way too ahead of myself and don’t think myself as qualifed, since most of my work experience was AutoCAD. I’m also trying to review my books from college because when asked my superiors about simple civil engg stuff, such as design loads and concrete hydrostatic pressure, I don’t remember a single thing and just freeze and admit that I don’t remember. What an idiot. What happened to the 5 years I worked hard for?

My head is just scattered between the ideas above. As I am writing this, it is January 2, 2022, Sunday, 9:48pm. I’ve just cleaned my dinner plates. Gonna make the most of my remaining weekend by just farming dungeons in FFXIV with a little help of green tea and music because tomorrow is Monday and I just do want to think about work. I don’t know I guess the point if this post is just me asking for guidance and advice, what the smart move would be? My goal in 2022 is to be happy, not just neutral happy. Is that even possible?

In summary if TLDR: I hate my current job. I’m not sure if i should find a different job in the same field or go back to college and study music.

Now Playing: Vektor - Charging The Void

Edit: I added an additional topic I forgot to mention, which was about considering applying outside the country.