Got a low ball salary offer from the corporate hiring manager. I've drafted this response to the email. Can I get some feedback on how it sounds? Excuse my formatting, I'm on mobile.

Thanks in advance ☺️

Good afternoon,

I’m thrilled about the opportunity to join your company on 10/16/2023. The hours and benefits are in line with my interests, but I have some concerns regarding the salary, considering my background and the local median pay for this role.

I’m wondering if there’s room for flexibility in the pay and bonus structure. I’d like to propose a couple of compensation options that could better align with my expectations:

1. $XX,000 annually with no quarterly bonus for the first year.
2. $XX,000 annually with an $X,000 signing bonus paid out after 30 days, and no bonus for the first year, with the potential for a pay increase based on a performance evaluation after the first year.

Additionally, regarding the benefits package, I would prefer insurance coverage to begin after 30 days rather than 60 days, if at all possible.

I’m fully committed to contributing to the company’s success and am open to taking on additional responsibilities if it helps align my contributions with the team’s goals.

Please let me know if these options are acceptable or if you have other suggestions. I’m eager to join your team and contribute to its growth.

Thank you for your time and consideration.