Trying to keep it short.

We have been in a wonderful relationship for the first 4 years. Then I got diagnosed with cancer and things got rocky after a while. My health is getting much better after treatment, but chances of metastasis are that it will come back eventually.

My partner has been taking care of me for a long time. My mood has been terrible and I needed his support. Therefore he put my needs first for a long time. Probably too long. Long story short, he is not getting out of the relationship what he needs.

He is very ambitious and working hard to achieve his dreams, and my illness is holding him back. He doesn't remember how it was before everything went bad.

I recently got off meds (opioids). I haven't been myself during using and quitting these meds. I was very demanding, irritatable, never satisfied. I understand that he feels there hasn't been room for his needs for too long. He is willing to take therapy together and apart but we cannot afford it.

I suggested a break until I am fully off the meds and feeling better. He is hesitant because he thinks I will blame him later for not supporting me. He wants to sit this through and see how it goes when I feel better. I am afraid it's just too late. I can see it took a toll on him and the way he sees me. I am not sure if we can fix this, although he is really willing to try i can see he is tired of it. A while ago he was still positive about it but he broke during a big fight and it all got too much.

I think I might need some encouraging words or advice. I feel anxious and heartbroken. It feels so unfair that my illness probably destroyed an otherwise good relationship. We used to be very happy together.

I don't want to hold onto an relationship that is going to end anyway. I am in my 30's, still young enough to make a new start but I feel the longer I wait, the more time I waste. I really see a good life with this guy but I don't feel like I am good enough. It's affecting my self-esteem and this won't make the relationship better.

I feel like my youth is wasted and i don’t have much prospect of dating again. I used to be very fit and looked good, a lot of guys wanted to be with me. Now things have changed, who wants to be with someone with such health problems. Also my body changed so much, from a fit healthy body to a pudding with no butt muscles.

TLDR: relationship got rocky after my cancer diagnosis. It took a toll on my partner and he is not sure about the relationship anymore. He wants to wait until things hopefully get better but I am so stressed out about not being sure what to expect. I am not the woman I used to be and I feel insecure about myself.