Sorry.. i just need to vent a little.

I am trying hard to recover well from my treatment a few months ago. I moved out from me and my partners place to live close to the rehabilitation clinic. It's just that getting (real) help is so damn difficult, as it seems.

I need to go to the clinic 3 days a week and there is close to no one who can bring and pick me up. Well there used to be someone who i considered to be a friend but he expected too much in return. He kept pushing my boundaries and tried to push me towards having sex with him too many times. I am amazed about how someone could try to take advantage of me like this and i feel really betrayed.

Meanwhile i only see my partner once a week becasue he is very busy with study and work. He helps me where he can but there is just so much he can do.

My mom tries to help me out but her own life is a mess. She has a lot of debt and needs to work extra hours. I have to pay everything for her when she comes over to bring me to the clinic and the past 2 weeks she cancelled our meetings because she had work or ran out of money for gas. Well i'm sorry but i barely have money to support myself.

I feel so damn lonely because the only one who really understands me is my partner and he is barely here. People around me think i am holding up well but they don't realize how low my energy level is. They try to help by giving me unwanted advice which only causes me extra stress. One friend lent me a 3-wheel bicycle to be able to go to the clinic. My rehab training is pretty intense and i just can't also go there on my bicycle. So i take the bus but i really have to walk too far to the bus stop. But i have no choice. All people mean so well but it's tearing me down.

Now my best friend is coming over tomorrow because he has an episode with his depression and needs me. I just can't take this. My partner would be coming over to comfort me, but now my best friend insists on i take him in for a day or two. To take away even more energy from me. He will take it very personally if i turn him down and i love him.

Since a few nights i have been waking up with nightmares and i can't sleep well. It all seems to be too much. And i can't really count on anyone. I just don't know how to handle this all anymore. There is also much more going on but too much to explain. I am screwing everything up.

I am sorry for the length of my post. I guess i am looking for some emotional support or advice because i am really through this. I don't want to quit but i feel paralyzed.