31F, when I was 5 my mother battled her way through Stage 1/2 breast cancer and went into remission. She gets CT scans often ever since and her most recent one showed an abnormal growth on her lymph node by her kidney. Turns out her breast cancer has mutated and is no longer sensitive to estrogen. We don't know enough still outside of the fact she needs to go back onto chemo, but specific treatment regime, how it has mutated exactly, and the general outlook are all still up in the air.

The pandemic has made me into a huge mental health mess dealing with bad GAD, health anxiety, agoraphobia, past traumas, recent traumas, and depression on top of friendship losses and still lacking a drive professionally. I was already in a vulnurable place prior to hearing this news and as the only child with a father who tends to cope with hard stuff by drinking it away, I feel I have to toughen up a lot to be here for her and the household. I'm scared, I'm lost, I feel I'm going to lose my Mom way earlier than expected (I cope with death very poorly and seeing my aging parents after 2 years apart because of C0VID was already so hard to accept).

I guess I'm seeking support, advice, ideas to help myself as much if not more as my mother so I don't completely burn out and become non functional since I still have a partner out of state who hopes I get my stuff together and under control in order to hold a job and be a healthy partner to him again (he is financially supportng me from afar while I moved back with my parents). I was already grieving things that weren't even directly affecting me and now I have a lot of stuff come up that does effect me in the worst ways possible.