recently i was told im not butch bc i didn’t think to order for my date (she didn’t communicate this was an expectation), i let her carry her bags, i tried to encourage her to learn to build things (i love being handy esp for femmes but wanted to support her autonomy), etc. and also i was told i wasn’t butch bc i was failing her by not meeting her intimate needs (i was super paranoid bc of a medication n not sleeping for months so my sex drive didn’t exist lol), i wasn’t giving enough love in the way she wanted, and basically any time i didn’t act perfect/obsessed with her/caretaking her…

i know it sounds silly but the whole thing is making me question my entire identity. if im not butch bc of those things, who am i? if i’m not allowed to mess up bc im butch, why do we have these expectations that butches are these well put together, capable people with 0 trauma or issues of their own?

i don’t know if that makes sense or not… i’m still learning who i am and this last experience taught me a lot. but it really has me wondering what we’re defining butch as. to me, butch is refusing to conform to society’s expectations. embracing masculinity regardless of the backlash. being a safe space for other queers. going against heteronormative expectations … etc!

what do you think?