Recently dated a femme lesbian for ~4 months. I’m butch. We just broke up a few days ago.

I feel like I’m expected to be the “man” in dating/relationships. I’m expected to find the date spots, set up the dates, do thoughtful things (like buy presents), pay, give more in bed, etc

At the same time, it feels like when I want someone to put in effort for me - plan some dates, give me something for Valentine’s Day/Christmas, receive in bed, etc - my effort is not reciprocated.

I’m just feeling very down because my ex told me I “needed more softness and sensitivity than [they] can give.” Of course, they also expected me to be hyper aware of and sensitive to their emotions and needs at all times. But when I wanted reassurance, it was too much.

I’m sure not all butches’ relationships are like this… but I guess it’s a fear of mine that this will always be the pattern. I would appreciate some positive stories about butches with partners who treat them with love and softness. Or even just some reassurance.

(small note - I don’t date femmes exclusively. so any happy stories about being treated with love from partners with any presentation would be appreciated :) )