She lost her battle to her mental illness and I’m beyond repair at this point. We promised to always love each other “no matter what”. We fought like crazy but we alway made it back. I knew it was her fault I forgave all her insults and rages. She was unwell it wasn’t her fault. This time it was worse her words pierced me like knives over and over so I decided to give us cooling period. And it was the the worst decision I could have made. I’ AM THE LEVEL HEADED ONE. Why did I do that! She needed me and instead I took her words to heart and gave us a time out. She reached out multiple times me thinking she was going to continue the verbal abuse but instead she was giving me her contact information and her good bye. Why didn’t I just take a peek at the texts instead of assume they were all insults? I was a coward like she once called me. I got the call from the UK it was her cousin to tell me she passed. She couldn’t take the loneliness. The love of my life always felt lonely even though we were here. I worshiped this woman and the ground she walked on she was my life.

Our relationship was complicated i won’t lie, full of windy roads more from my side since I’m in the U.S. with family but there was no doubt in our hearts we loved each other like we had never loved before.She always said that to me. We would make our lives together eventually and continue traveling. She was my woman I spoiled her rotten because she deserved it. We went to London, we went Edinburgh and had the most passionate night of my LIFE with her. She rented an Airbnb made love all night long in the most beautiful city, I recently took her to Florida and had the most amazing time ever, we danced the night away, woke up under the morning sun in our bed with our warm skin touching and cuddled and kissed for what seemed forever. Made love and wanted to stop time in that moment. Our arguments were as passionate as our love making and in the end of this recent one she thought we were just friends because I couldn’t take much more of the verbal abuse. I know she was ill , I lover her anyway I was ready and willing to take care of her but it does take a toll so I needed a quick break. She got a haircut she told the barber she and I were no longer together, she cried in the car (all from a text I later read). She Made several texts to her cousin as well who always was her support system but neither of us were answering that one fateful day. And she did it. She went through what she once attempted long before she met me. I can’t understand mental illness why she felt lonely when we were there for her at all times. Every time we had a nasty fight we’d come right back together from a cooling off period and our tails between our legs apologizing and loving each other a 1000 times stronger. Ending with “we will always be with each other no matter what”. That wasn’t the case this time, you left me. I love you my love. You died of a lonely heart and I’m dying of a broken one. I will never EVER find someone else like her. She was the love of my life. And no one could ever replace her or even come close. She was one of kind. My handsome Butch woman who took everyone’s breath away and capture an entire room with her personality, with her hardcore Scottish accent, the ink to match it and the passion she could only as a Scottish woman could have.

We met on Reddit, she had made a lonely post and I reached out, I’ll admit her photo of her brown eyes and inked arm swooned me, we soon moved from chat to whattsapp and her nick name became “Red” in my contacts. We clicked and before you know it was telling her I loved her. So soon? I knew it, I knew from the depth of my heart I loved this woman I had never met. So with that I love you Red. I will never understand why you decided to leave me we promised each other to be Here for one another. We called each other our blessings since we have no idea why or how the universe connected us from so far away. Yet we always managed to make it work. Except for this one final day. I love you baby. And I have no idea how I can continue without you. I’m at a loss without you. I can’t live like this babe. I need you. May you rest in eternal peace.