I’m 21F and I have borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed at 18, and I’ve struggled for the longest time particularly with my self image. I was over 200 pounds my entire time in high school, but once I started doing drugs at 16 I guess I switched from binge eating to drugs as a coping mechanism.

I was stuck on meth on and off since I was 18, and I got down to my lowest weight ever last year when I finally had my own place and could do drugs all day without judgement. I starved myself for a few months but then I realized I couldn’t take showers anymore and I would get dizzy if I stood even just for a few minutes at a time.

Well, about 3 months ago I decided I wanted to go back to school and work instead of hang around fellow junkies all day. The bpd helped me disconnect from that situation in a sense, but now that it’s been a few months without such an extreme appetite suppressant, I’ve noticed that I’m starting to spend a lot of my time fixated on how much weight I’ve put back on.

I know my main reason for smoking meth was due to this mental illness, this eating disorder. I know there are likely things I need to work on to be better and cope better but honestly all I can think lately is how much better I’ll feel if I just get high and not eat for a few days. Someone please give me some words of wisdom if possible